Rockaholics Anonymous

2009-02-03T21:51:00.004+05:30

Sincere apologies for not continuing my series of my top 25 metal albums of all time, but I have been reaaaaallllyyy busy... Hope this time the next one comes sooner than 4 months later! :) My numbers 12 and 13!

12. JUDAS PRIEST : BRITISH STEEL (1980) - EPIC

In 1980,in the U.K., a new musical scene was emerging: heavy metal. Many bands came out in this time period including Iron Maiden, Diamond Head, Angel Witch, and of course Judas Priest. British Steel has all the elements of what heavy metal was at the time and would become. It caught perfectly the slice in time when heavy metal was just starting to get noticed, but had not yet gone mainstream.

Rob Halford's vocals, Glenn Tipton & K.K. Downing's guitars, Ian Hill's bass, and Dave Holland's drumming are all in top form here. Beginning with their previous studio album Hell Bent For Leather and then with this album, the band began to write shorter and catchier songs while sacrificing little of their metallic crunch.

Those who know this album chiefly by the two singles "Breaking the Law" and "Living After Midnight" will be surprised at how non-commercial the rest of this album is. "Rapid Fire" kicks the album off to a roaring start. "Metal Gods" is a slow-paced rocker that has an interesting bridge. "Breaking the Law" is a radio stable, as is "Living After Midnight." There are in fact no weak song at all on this album and my advise is: run out and get a copy as fast as possible, this one sure stand the test of time, perhaps better that any other record of that era! Quintisentially British, but not stiff upper lip at all!

Line-Up : Rob Halford - vocals, K.K. Downing - guitars, Glenn Tipton - guitars, Ian Hill - bass guitar, Dave Holland - drums

PS : British Steel was recorded at Tittenhurst Park, which was the home of the Beatle Ringo Starr.

2009-02-03T21:31:00.004+05:30

13. TESTAMENT : THE LEGACY (1987) - MEGAFORCE

Megadeth's "Peace Sells but who's buying?", Metallica's "Master of Puppets", Slayer's "Reign in Blood", and Anthrax's "Among the Living" were the other four thrash albums that dominated at the time. But this album remains Testament's legacy and also the sadly forgotten classic! To be fair, if it had been the "Big Five" instead of the "Big Four," it definitely would have been Testament who would have been the fifth.

This is the band's best effort, mostly due to axeman Alex Skolnick's blistering riffs, powerful leads, wailing solos, and all around great guitar work. "Over The Wall" and "The Haunting" both have two amazing guitar solos which have several parts to them, and "Apocalyptic City" features arguably Alex's best solo. Elsewhere, "Raging Waters" has a propulsive rhythm which is powered by fast, cascading riffs; "Curse of the Legions of Death" shoots by with scorching, almost machine gun guitar work; and "Do Or Die" is so fast, the riffs almost sound like a buzzsaw.

It may not be as groundbreaking as, say, "Master of Puppets," but when all is said and done, "The Legacy" is a great and important chapter in the history of thrash. A must, I repeat, MUST for metalheads.

Line-Up : Chuck Billy: Vocals, Alex Skolnick: Lead Guitar, Eric Peterson: Rhythm Guitar, Greg Christian: Bass, Louie Clemente: Drums

PS : After the release of this album, Testament quickly managed to increase their exposure by heading out on a successful tour of America and Europe with Anthrax, who were then touring in support of their Among the Living album.

2008-10-17T11:07:00.006+05:30

Presenting my numbers 15 and 14 of my Top 25 Metal Album countdown:

14. LED ZEPELLIN : IV (1971) - ATLANTIC RECORDS

This fourth CD by Led Zeppelin is known by many names: Led Zeppelin, Four, IV, ZOSO, Four Symbols, and Ruins. This CD turned them from mere superstars into giant behemoths of the rock world. Jimmy Page and Robert Plant knew the band had something special when they completed the album. Each song holds incredibly well by itself. The album contains many genres of music from rockabilly-inspired to folk-rock to music that technically did not have its own category

The group's roots have always been in hard bluesy British rock, and on this LP there are several good examples of this -- the most outstanding is "When The Levee Breaks." But, as with the third album, they have spliced in some folky things and these provide a pleasant contrast. "Going To California" is a dreamlike acoustic piece which segues in and out of the echo chamber. This is where Heavy Metal was plucked screaming from the womb of blues and rock'n' roll.

Every song on this album is an instant classic, from the back and forth calling of voice and guitar in "Black Dog," to the driving riff rocker "Rock and Roll," and on and on, every song here is in top form, to the more delicate and atmospheric "The Battle of Evermore," and the blues classic-gone-heavy "When the Levee Breaks." It's all great.

Of course, no review is complete without mentioning "Stairway to Heaven," possibly Zep's most famous song, but to say that that one piece defines this album is to have a very limited understanding of the albums magnificence. "Stairway to Heaven" may be played to death but you can't overlook its impact.

Line-Up: Jimmy Page – acoustic guitar, electric guitar, mandolin; Robert Plant – vocals, harmonica; John Paul Jones – synthesizer, bass guitar, keyboards, mandolin, recorders; John Bonham – drums

P.S : Owing to the lack of an official title, Atlantic Records initially distributed graphics of the symbols in many sizes to the press for inclusion in charts and articles. The album was one of the first to be produced without conventional identification, and this communicated an anti-commercial stance that was controversial at the time

15. MEGADETH : RUST IN PEACE (1990) - CAPITOL RECORDS

After being released from a twelve-step program, Megadeth frontman Dave Mustaine had hired drummer Nick Menza and guitarist Marty Friedman to record Rust in Peace, creating what would become the band's first stable line-up, lasting to 1998. Bassist David Ellefson along with Mustaine were the only members who were not replaced.

Politics, warfare and the environment are the main topics explored throughout the album, with songs such as "Rust in Peace... Polaris," which is about intercontinental ballistic missiles, and their effects on the world (Polaris refers to Polaris missile); "Take No Prisoners," which is about prisoners of war; and "Holy Wars... The Punishment Due," which is a two-part song containing "Holy Wars," which is not referring to any historical place or event and "The Punishment Due," which is about the Marvel Comics character The Punisher, of which Mustaine used to read at the time. "Dawn Patrol" is about the environment being destroyed by global warming and greenhouse gases.

This is a thrash masterpiece with intelligent lyrics, structure, and most importantly, musicianship. There are some progressive metal passages, and even some melodic harmonies that add even more life to the songs. “Hangar 18” is probably closer to progressive metal than thrash metal, with a strong neo-classical influence even in the riffing.

Rust In Peace is an absolutely incredible album with great songs, incredible composition, progressive moments, superb musicianship, and intense focus. All metalheads of all subgenres, and non metalheads who just want to hear great rock music, this album is a must have.

Line-Up: Dave Mustaine – guitar, lead vocals; Marty Friedman – lead guitar; David Ellefson – bass; Nick Menza – drums

P.S: Lay your hands on the re-mastered CD released in 2004, which has better production values.

2008-09-01T14:18:00.006+05:30

Apologies, but after a long, long time... continuing the countdown of my top 25 metal albums of all time! Presenting my number 17 and 16!

16. METALLICA : RIDE THE LIGHTNING (1984) - ELEKTRA

Metallica's debut album "Kill 'em All" is widely claimed as one of the best debut albums to come out in the 80s. However, anything found on "Ride the Lightning," surpasses that of their debut album, twice over. The band, in their sophomore effort, evolves in every aspect - musically and lyrically. They replace some of the raw edge the first album had with more polished track listing in their second one.

It's heavy, it's fast and it's furious!! Take the acoustic intro to "Fight Fire with Fire" for example. When it starts out, you might think you bought the wrong album, but then the heavy guitar hits you like a ton of bricks and leaves you spellbound. Another forgotten classic, "Creeping Death," leaves its marks with it's almost visceral lyrics. Also, how can one forget the most amazing metal ballad of all time "Fade to Black"? It begins with a distant guitar solo, but the acoustic strums actually make the first part of this song rather tame. However, the choruses still have heavy riffs, and the end is an ascending and cascading solo.

Put in other songs like "For Whom The Bell Tolls," and "The Call of Ktulu," and what you have in your collection is an album that is unlike any other sophomore attempt! If you want to build a good collection of metal CDs, you need this CD more than you need your next breath!

Line-Up: James Hetfield – rhythm guitar, lead vocals, Lars Ulrich – drums, Cliff Burton – bass guitar, backing vocals, Kirk Hammett – lead guitar

P.S : "Ride the Lightning" and "The Call of Ktulu" were the last Metallica songs to feature Dave Mustaine in the credits.

17. MACHINE HEAD : BURN MY EYES (1994) - ROADRUNNER RECORDS

"LET FREEDOM RING WITH A SHOTGUN BLAST!!!"

-is a scream from the opening song "Davidian" from the debut album from the metalheads from Oakland. This one is defined by its particularly aggressive style, and Machine Head's penchant to lighten up a little on the speed of the songs in order to simply make the songs heavier by adding baselines and thundering drums. Though just that little short of being a masterpiece, Burn My Eyes is close to being Machine Head's Sistine Chapel.

Throughout the album, although Machine Head talk about societal problems, the lyrical content of "Burn My Eyes" is often anything but negative. Logan Madder's fleet fingered guitar playing on "A Thousand Lies"is the stuff of legends. Robb Flynn sings with tremendous intensity, and Chris Kontos speed thrashes through every song, while Adam Duce keeps the low end with his heavy bass licks.

This album signaled the beginning of metal trying to throw off the whole grunge scene and step it up to the next level and get to the roots of the modern "extreme" metal scene. Standout tracks are "Davidian," "Old," and "Blood For Blood." Machine Head's debut stands the test of time as one of the best debut metal albums ever. All in all, a milestone for modern metal.

Line-Up : Robb Flynn - vocals, Guitar, Logan Mader - Lead Guitar, Adam Duce - Bass Guitar, Chris Kontos - drums

P.S : In 1994, this album quickly became Roadrunner Records' best seller and was the label's best-selling debut album for a number of years, until the release of Slipknot's 1999 self-titled debut.

2008-06-11T13:53:00.005+05:30

Numbers 19 and 18 of my top 25 Metal Album countdown!

18. LAMB OF GOD : SACRAMENT (2006) - SONY/EPIC RECORDS

In the burgeoning genre of the New Wave of American Heavy Metal, Lamb of God stands head and shoulders above the others., and have already inspired a string of band in their still-young careers. Lamb of God, in my album of the year 2006, skillfully combine elements of progressive rock with harder, edgier elements of thrash.

This album is a speed rush all the way through, with guitars that match the fibrillating double bass drums and trill going even faster. If a song briefly drops to half-speed, it’s only to make the next stretch sound even more breakneck. Take, for example, "Forgotten (Lost Angels)." This monster chugger is as metallic as you can get. The opening 22 seconds of "Foot to the Throat" reveals a thrash battery that equals, or surpasses any other band's offerings.

Singer Randy Blythe's vocals can't always be understood, but who needs to when you have great songs such as "Redneck," which has a southern rock twist to a blistering riff, and "Descending" which offers great drama and a growing sense of dynamics. Other notables include "Requiem," "Walk With Me In Hell," and "Blacken The Cursed Sun."

Like great metal bands, Lamb of God have now transcended their category, and are in a category by themselves. This is the new standard for pure new American metal!!

Line-Up: Randy Blythe – Vocals; Mark Morton – Guitar; Willie Adler – Guitar; John Campbell – Bass; Chris Adler – Drums

P.S: Lamb of God were formerly known as "Burn The Priest" but didn't want to be only known as a crappy Satanic band, so they changed it to this "equally-religious-sounding-yet-not-as-offensive-as-the-earlier" name

19. PANTERA : COWBOYS FROM HELL (1990) - ATLANTIC RECORDS

The cowboys from Texas were a cover band the early 1980's, until they start writing their own music. They formed a band, Pantera, that released their first album when Diamond was only 17. They continued releasing "hair/glam" metal albums until 1990.

Cowboys From Hell was the first offering from Pantera with a major label, and they put themselves on the map with supercharged metal riffs and screaming vocals. They made heavy metal heavier. Case in point, "Primal Concrete Sledge," which has industrial elements, but compounded machine-gun guitars. "Heresy" has matchless thrash riffs and great double bass drumming dexterity. While "Cemetery Gates" pushed Pantera into metal mainstream, the title song "Cowboys from Hell" has a mosh-worthy progression. Dimebag Darrell proves his status as one of the best metal guitarists ever as the riffs on almost every song are mind blowing, as well as the solos.

The real standout of the album, though, is "Psycho Holiday" which has the 45 second-long, wailing guitar solo that has three parts to it. These solos would become renowned worldwide and a Dimebag trademark. If Metallica contributed to the progression of metal in the 80's, Pantera drove it to through the 90's and started with this album.

Line-Up: Phil Anselmo – Vocals, Dimebag Darrell – Guitars and backing vocals, Vinnie Paul – Drums, Rex Brown – Bass

P.S: RIP Dimebag Darrell, the greatest riffmaker of all time!

2008-05-26T11:19:00.007+05:30

Number 21 and 20 of my countdown of the top 25 Metal Albums of all time!!

20. ANTHRAX : AMONG THE LIVING (1987) - ISLAND RECORDS

Unlike Metallica and Slayer, the problem with the guys from New York was that they never took themselves too seriously and this resulted in an album slightly on the lighter side than those of their rivals, but it still had enough power to make my top 25 of all time. The lightness, is of course, speaking about the overall vein of the album as there is nothing light about the music itself. The riffs are truly excellent throughout the whole album. You will find that every single one of them forces you into uncontrolled head banging mayhem and air guitar heroism.

Stand out songs are "Among the Living," "Caught in a Mosh," "Indians," and "I Am The Law." But the beauty of this album is that not a single song can be considered filler. The opening track explodes with incredible energy and this energy doesn't wear off all the way to the speedy "Imitation Of Life".

This release can be almost sure one of the best Thrash releases ever!

Line-Up: Joey Belladonna – Vocals, Dan Spitz –Lead Guitar, Scott Ian – Rhythm Guitar, Frank Bello – Bass Guitar, Charlie Benante – Drums

PS : I had the fortune of seeing this classic line up during their reunion tour in 2006 in San Francisco!! What an evening!! :)

21. CRADLE OF FILTH : DUSK... AND HER EMBRACE (1997) - MUSIC FOR NATIONS

A symphonic black metal album in my top 25 - beat that! This was Cradle's third release and their second full-length album. It was a lot different from their previous album in terms of sound. “Dusk & Her Embrace” might sound cluttered and chaotic, and honestly, I perceived this album as 'could have been produced better.' However, the tone is exactly right, with a balanced mix of brutality and atmosphere. This is probably Dani’s most dramatic vocal performance on any of their releases. The shrieks are very high and very fast. The songs are continually changing and the complexity of the arrangements and musical commentary cannot be ignored.

The entire album is an incredible collection of unforgettable songs, so I’d be hard pressed to pick out one favorite. Take for instance, the signature riff and the timeless bass-line on “Heaven Torn Asunder”, the heartbreaking sadness of “Funeral In Carpathia”, the classic flair to “Dusk & Her Embrace” and its outstanding drumsolo. All these songs paint a vivid picture in the mind of the listener and somehow transport you to a decaying, snow-ridden, dark world. With this record, the band proved that even the most brutal and intense music can be beautiful and although hated by a few, each band must be given a fair chance.

Line-up : Dani Filth - Vocals, Stuart Antsis - Guitar, Damien Gregori - Keyboards, Robin Eaglestone - Bass, Nicholas Barker - Drums, Gian Pyres - Guitar

PS : First read the lyrics which are virtually of Shakespearean quality !

2008-05-22T10:54:00.008+05:30

Continuing my countdown of the top 25 Metal Albums of all time!!

22. A PERFECT CIRCLE : MER DE NOMS (2000) - VIRGIN RECORDS

"A Perfect Circle is not a side project," proclaimed the members of Perfect Circle and it certainly sounds nothing like one. Although the frontman of the band is Tool's James Maynard Keenan, the creator and genius of A Perfect Circle is guitarist/song writer Billy Howerdel who has worked with quite an impressive list of artists, such as The Smashing Pumpkins, Nine Inch Nails, David Bowie and more.

When I bought the album, I wasn't sure what to expect but I thought that it would soon burst out into something that Maynard does in Tool. I had heard the angry anti-"your god" ballad, Judith, and I thought that this would be the way the whole album worked. Then, as he questioned his relationships, his spirituality and his place in the world, the whole album seems to bloom and released delicate pearls like "Orestes," "Magdalena," and "Rose." As a Tool fan, I was not pleased with the pleasantries, but I learnt to appreciate the depth and melodic contribution of APC.

And the lyrics are nothing but ethereal... Just sample a bit of Orestes:

Gotta cut away, clear away
Snip away and sever this
Umbilical residue,
Keeping me from killing you
And from pulling you down with me here,
I can almost hear you scream

Phew! Safe to say that in spite of Tool's influence, APC, and more specifically, Mer De Noms has a life of its own!!

Line-up: Maynard James Keenan, Billy Howerdel, Josh Freese, Jordie White, Paz Lenchantin, Danny Lohner

PS : Also check out their sophomore album, The Thirteenth Step

23. DIO : HOLY DIVER (1983) - WARNER RECORDS

I apologize to the entire world that I did not listen to this album till 1992!! By the time he formed his own band, DIO, Ronnie James Dio has been a vocalist for bands like Elf, Rainbow, Black Sabbath. If there is anything quintessential about 80's rock, it's Dio. Holy Diver, in my opinion, was one of the greatest releases in that era. It was hard,melodic and had hooks in abundance. Future Def Leppard stringer, Vivian Campbell plays on this album and has some of the greatest guitar licks you'll hear.

Songs like "Rainbow in the Dark" and the title track are metal classics, but it doesn't stop there. Check out "Don't Talk to Strangers", and the excellent "Invisible." This album proved that Dio's departure from Black Sabbath had not affected his spirits. In fact, he sounded most inspired here, aided by his new, hungry backing band. Dio was the heavy metal hobbit and believe me, this is how metal should be!

Line-up : Dio: Ronnie James Dio (vocals, keyboards); Vivian Campbell (guitar); Jimmy Bain (keyboards, bass); Vinny Appice (drums).

PS: Check out Killswitch Engage's cover of "Holy Diver" from Kerrang!! - High Voltage

2008-02-01T18:57:00.008+05:30

Coming up everyday (I hope), I will be counting down what I consider the best metal albums of all time. I have hundreds of CDs at home, and I am restricting myself to counting down the top 25! I know a lot of people will disagree with me, so fuck them. However, I also know there will be an equal amount who will agree! Anyway, here goes:

24. MACHINE HEAD : THE BLACKENING (2006) - ROADRUNNER RECORDS

Admit it - this is a surprise! But this amazingly crafted album somehow HAD to make my list. Some of the 8 (long) songs automatically grab you by the throat and make your spine jump out of your body! I was especially impressed two songs - 'Aesthetics of Hate,' and 'Clenching the Fist of Dissent.' Two songs that start off slow, but ultimately chug along and bring out the brutality of war and organized religion, and also about Dimebag Darrell's assassination. Rob Flynn is not guttaral, but there is something about his voice that brings out the scrap in every song. I was also extremely impressed by Phil Demmel's guitaring, which sometimes reminded me of Dimebag (RIP)... All in all, a great effort by the boys from Oakland.

Line-Up: Robb Flynn – vocals, guitar, Phil Demmel – guitar, Adam Duce – bass, backing vocals, Dave McClain – drums

P.S: Check out their previous album "Through The Ashes Of Empires" and the extremely amazing "Imperium"

25. MEGADETH : COUNTDOWN TO EXTINCTION (1992) - CAPITOL RECORDS

Some people might consider this to be too low a ranking for such a great album, but it actually pales in comparison to what comes up later in the countdown. This might not be Megadeth's best effort, but it DOES have gems like 'Symphony of Destruction,' 'Psychotron,' and 'Countdown to extinction.' It was also the second time that the supreme lineup of Mustaine, Menza, Ellefson and Friedman turned up to jam together. With Mustaine mouthing off lyrics with clearly political and military undertones, and also (allegedly) against James Hetfield, this is a classic album for the times. If you also take into account that this later became the "sound" of Megadeth, it HAS to make the top-something list of every metal lover!

Line-Up: Dave Mustaine - guitar, lead vocals, Marty Friedman - guitar, backing vocals, David Ellefson - bass, backing vocals, Nick Menza - drums, backing vocals

PS: The slow melodic section at the end of "This Was My Life" is the same chord progression as Mustaine's contribution to the breakdown section in the middle of his former band Metallica's "Phantom Lord" from Kill 'Em All.

2007-11-14T14:41:00.000+05:30

Turning 30!

Last post - June 28th --- It's been a long time since I updated my blog. I just wanted to make
this one entry as I entered the hallowed 4th decade of my existence on God's green earth. I feel very lucky to have achieved most of what I wanted to achieve before turning 30. For a person who was given up by his parents as a hopeless case at the age of 20, I think I have done pretty well :)

I have really beautiful people in my life... my wife, my parents and my friends. Work is not too taxing and neither is it too boring (of course it does not pay enough, but name one person who is happy about his pay!) I have my health as well, which is a surprise consider the myriad varieties of adventure sports I have taken part in!

My wife has already gifted me a bunch of things for my birthday, so here are 10 'REAL' wishes:

1) I wish that CPI would let the Indo-US Nuclear deal go through. Cheap clean nuclear power is the need of the hour.

2) I wish religious terrorism would stop. I have heard enough about Hindu killing Muslims and Muslims killing Hindus and everyone killing everyone else in the name of religion.

3) I wish politicians were, or started, younger

4) I wish we would stop polluting the atmosphere and depleting the forests and the ozone layer! I would hate my children refusing to inherit the earth!!

5) I wish Bollywood made more watchable films like Chak De India and Dhamaal (thinking only of the ones in the recent past :)) and kicked Hollywood butt!!

6) I wish discrimination against the girl child would stop.

7) I wish traffic would make more sense. I am afraid of driving on Hyderabad roads now!

8) I wish everyone in India would vote!! It really makes a difference, people!

9) I wish computers and the internet were faster!

and finally

10) I wish India rocks the next few decades... we are being heralded as the next big superpower... let's prove everyone right!

And here is another wishlist (a little selfisher :))

I wish for a Macintosh Powerbook, a Vertu Cellphone and a Bentley... my life would then be complete!
I wish I could fit into my size 30 jeans again! :(
I wish the Indian cricket team would go to Australia and kick their ass!! I have had enough of them winning every match

So, here's signing off for the last time before I turn 30! I always dreaded the day.. but somehow, I feel it's not so bad now, and I have many people to thank for it - my family, my friends and most importantly, my wife!!

LOVE YOU ALL!!

2007-06-19T17:02:00.000+05:30

Some more pics from our amazing trip to Thailand! I know it's been a while and maybe I should get over it, but I simply can't :)

2007-06-13T13:32:00.000+05:30

I love being married... I recommend it to everyone! :)

2007-04-16T16:21:00.000+05:30

The Big Day cometh!! :)

2007-02-26T20:07:00.000+05:30

One for the sweet girl who I am going to marry soon!

I'm willing to surrender
To every notes that spin around
This feeling's clinging to me
And it flows through my veins

The melody sung is secret
Emotions fade into music
I could lose my breath
But even that I'd give up for you

My body shivered as I saw you
The clouds unravel my thoughts
A storm raged around us
And we felt its majesty

Our path is perfectly clear
We belong among the clouds
You destroyed my mundane existence
I will embrace the storm in you!

2007-02-18T12:08:00.000+05:30

5 hours!!

I got a call late at night at 10.30 on the 13th of February from her -

She: "Can you get a day off from work tomorrow?"
Me: "No baby, its gonna be a busy day"
She: "Ok nevermind.. come pick me up at Delhi airport tomorrow at 9 AM"
Me: "Huh? What?"
She: "Come pick me up at Delhi airport tomorrow at 9 AM... I wanna spend our first valentine's day together"
Me: "Girl, are you crazy? How are you gonna do it?"
She: "I have the tickets in my hand.. I have already done it"
Me: "....... wow"
Me: "Ok.. will be there"

So my sweet darling gets to work at 7 in the eve on 13th, works till 2 in the morning, leave for the airport at 4.30, catches the 6.30 flight and gets to Delhi at 9 AM.

We spend the most amazing 5 hours together.. and then she has to leave.. she catches the 4 PM flight on the 14th and reaches Hyd at 7 and goes to work immediately!!!

I always knew that women were strong and that when they loved someone, they loved completely... but this remains, to this day, the most amazing gift I have received from a loved one.. those 5 hours of my life will remain forever precious to me..

They dont make women like you anymore, my mad little girl!!

2007-02-09T13:01:00.000+05:30

Whisper Clandestine

Various dimensions
You need to live
To freshen from daily shift
And all these humiliations

This reality is untouchable
So near and yet so far
Never enough to reach
The realization of subconscious dreads

Any unreal shape frightens me
I strike relentlessly with fierce attack
You obey you own thoughts
Surrender to the dream-demons

Where reason stops and heart begins
There's a gem just below the fire
Fixed in black and symbols of desire
And a craving to sort you out

To cast you out into darkness
A nighttime whisper clandestine
The nature of secrecy
And disillusioned in between

2007-01-25T16:21:00.000+05:30

The Most Amazing Piece of Music Ever Composed - LATERALUS by Tool

I have always been fascinated by mathematics. I was never one of those kids who hated Maths. I loved numbers and still do. I have thought up tricks with numbers to freak people out as well. I was completely blown away when I read the article below, though! Tool has always been a favorite band of mine, but this was simply astounding... I have no idea who the original author is, and I apologize if this is plagiarism, but I just HAD to post this.. read on and be astounded!! Let me know if you wanna hear the album!

To me, Tool's Lateralus is the most amazing piece of music ever composed. I think Tool deliberately wanted to give their fans something truly amazing, but wanted them to find it on their own. "Recognize this as a holy gift..." At first, I thought that the song Lateralus was about tripping acid - discovering true color by seperating the body from the mind. At first listen, I imagined the bending envelope as an intense visual. After becoming more familiar with the track, however, I had reformed my interpretation to something broader: think deeper. Lateralus, perhaps because it is the album's "title track", serves as the central clue for a puzzle that a friend of mine had read about somewhere on the internet. "All I know is that there is a different order for the songs - something about two spirals. Oh yeah, and thirteen is in the middle." After scavenging through endless google search results, I gave up on finding more about this 'alternate order'.

Intent to figure the album out, and very curious about the spirals - I put on the proverbial 'thinking cap'. I understood how the spirals could have a lot of significance, in that the album's title track offers the inspiring, "swing on the spiral of our divinity and still be a human..........And following our will and wind we may just go where no one's been. We'll ride the spiral to the end and may just go where no one's been." In my internet scavenging, I had read one review, written by a drummer, who mentioned that Danny Carey's drum beat formed a fibonacci sequence during the song Lateralus. A drummer myself, I decided to get out the graph paper and follow Danny. I can't play like he can, but at least I can hear everything he's doing, and thus was able to construct the drum tabulature. Sure enough, Danny repeats a Fibonacci sequence through the number 13: 1,1,2,3,5,8,13. After 13, he starts again with 1.

Bringing in my Algebra 2 knowledge of the Fibonacci sequence, when the equation for the Fibonacci sequence (which I don't actually know) is graphed, it forms a sprial whose vertex depends on the number at which the sequence begins. Coincidence? I began to think not. I had already known of Danny's obsession with sacred geometry and am familiar with Bob Frissell's book, Nothing in This Book Is True, But It's Exactly How Things Are , so the significance of what I had stumbled upon had actually begun to settle in. This is where I just had to play with Lateralus. I had doodled a few spirals in the corners of my graph paper, and in doing so made the first important connection to Lateralus. I knew that if the tracks were in fact intended to be heard in a different order, "Parabol" and "Parabola" would have to go together. In drawing my spirals, I had begun with a vertex and 'spiraled' outwards. After writing the numbers 1 through 13 linearly, I could immediately see that Parabol and Parabola would have to be the middle of my spiral (in that 13 / 2 = 6.5). I drew a simple arrow between 6 and 7 and then pondered the next pair. At first, I actually drew a spiral connecting pairs of numbers whose sum equaled 13 (the number of songs on the album). This, however, left the last track in the same position and without anything to connect to.

At this time, I had used my copy of Lateralus and Cool Edit Pro to take out the silences between tracks and put the songs in the following order: 6,7,5,8,4,9,3,10,2,11,1,12,13. The transition from Parabola into Schism blew my mind, as the plucks, probably dismissed by listeners as a drawn out rant of an ending, perfectly transition into the beginning of Schism. When you count out beats as the strings are plucked, Schism resumes with the same time signature and tempo - mirroring the progression of notes. The transition from Schism into Ticks & Leeches is equally intriguing. Schism ends with strong double-kick bass and tom smacks, and Ticks & Leeches begins with what many would call a 'tribal' drum beat. The beat at the very start of Ticks & Leeches is slightly different every subsequent time it is repeated - the measures are two beats longer. Yup - you guessed it - those two beats are ACTUALLY the last two beats of Schism. I can honestly say that I never understood the album's fourth track, Mantra until reordering the album's songs. What I had originally heard as whale calls now had begun to resemble the worst imaginable dry heaves - or a stylized choking. Fitting, seeing as how the last line in Ticks & Leeches is "I hope you choke." After this transition, none of those following it really seemed to make much sense. I certainly didn't like that Disposition and Reflection had been seperated - as they sound quite good when played sequentially on the album. This was the only real roadblock in my disciphering of the Holy Gift. Then I had remembered what my friend had told me - 13 was in the middle. At the time, probably just wanting to believe that there was more to this cd, I had equated this to the positioning of the song "Intermission" on the previous release, Ænema. For the song to be in the 'middle' of the album it would have to be the seventh track in sequence, here having six tracks on either side of it.

So I inserted Faaip de Oiad after Lateralus, and almost peed my pants when I discovered that (ever-so-faintly) the fading tone of the last note of Lateralus could be heard in beginning of Faaip de Oiad, and how the distortion of the guitars at the tail end of Lateralus resembled, and later transitioned seamlessly into, the static at the beginning of Faaip de Oiad. The lyrics of Lateralus justify this break in the spiral, almost instructing: "spiral out, keep going, spiral out, keep going." I went back to Lateralus to find the next clue.

In Danny Carey's amazingly competent Fibonacci sequence, he had stopped at 13 and gone back to 1. This is what I chose to do to finish the sequence. A second spiral was now constucted, and the order for the Holy Gift now became 6,7,5,8,4,9,13,1,12,2,11,3,10. Already many of you are probably fascinated at what I have revealed to you, but I can not even begin to tell you what this new order has opened up for me.

The beauty of Lateralus is very, very fragile and has to be viewed with a very open mind. It can also be different when looked at from different points of view. Aside from the fact that the new order of the songs places them in an order where they flow together nicely - often ending and resuming on the same notes or within the same progression, and some times - in the case of Lateralus into Faaip de Oiad and The Grudge into Triad - even overlapping (though admittadly sound much better when actually electronically overlapped, this is kind of cheating. Consider this a hint, however, if you plan on doing this yourself), the two spirals help to tell a story that every Tool fan should hear. In the interest of not boring the only casually intrigued, I will try to keep this very brief. I would also recommend familiarizing yourselves with Frissell's book (yeah - the one I mentioned earlier). I consider Parabol and Parabola to be quite expository. Maynard wants us to know that no matter what happens, we must all know that this is not our only existance. Our very minds and the contents of our subconscious are intended to be immortal, and if we accept this into our lives (be it because of personal or religious reasons), it will be so. As such, pain is an illusion. At first, I called it "The Lateralus Prophecy" (for reasons you will soon understand), but I have since decided to call the 'reordered' version of Lateralus "The Holy Gift". As Maynard says, "Recognize this as a holy gift and celebrate this chance to be alive and breathing," I take the word "this" to mean much more than just his simple cautioning. Since Parabola is the second track of the Holy Gift, it can be considered at the beginning (esp. considering the context of it's duality with Parabol), and as such, I interpret Maynard's words as more than just clever lyrics in a song. They are a plead for his listeners to listen to everything he has to say and truly celebrate the chance of immortality offered throughout. I would be lying if I said that each song has a specific translation. On the contrary, Tool's music is designed to make you think, not say something specific. It must be treated like great literature - much is hidden contextually.

I will elude to Geometric-Drumming's previous post, where he explains the time signatures of Schism: "It represents the title...it's arranged in 12/8 time which is SPLIT into 5/8 and 7/8 - which only really FITS as you PUT THE PIECES BACK TOGETHER." Where Geometric-Drumming claims Schism as his favorite Tool song, I have heard some fans say that it was a retched pick for the album's only single - but I think it was brilliant. Not to downplay the interpretations of those who have posted before me (in fact, I agree with much of what %BlueSoulRobot% has to say), but I think that to the casual listener who knows nothing of Tool, it can be a powerful invitation.

Think about it - a lot of dingbats with MTV and a radio would walk around with the words "I know the pieces fit" in their heads. I wonder how many of them took the time to put the pieces back together to (re)discover what is trying to be communicated. I welcome any feedback. I would love to share interpretations of the songs via email - just too lengthy to post here. I would like to offer the following advice: DO NOT use MP3s to digitally reorder Lateralus. A lot of VERY IMPORTANT information is encoded on the actual cd. Ever notice how everyone who has lost or broken that cd has IMMEDIATELY gone out and bought a new copy? I know I have. It's because there are things encoded on the factory pressing of the cd that are lost in the mp3 compression process and any direct copy onto a cd-r. If you want to do it, do it right - I can't stress how important this is. Use the cda tracks as you put it together and maintain all audio fidelity using professional mixing software.

There's a Fibonacci in Maynard's lyrics, specifically the syllables:

black [1]
then [1]
white are [2]
all I see [3]
in my infancy [5]
red and yellow then came to be [8]
reaching out to me [5]
lets me see [3]
there is [2]
so [1]
much [1]
more and [2]
beckons me [3]
to look through to these [5]
infinite possibilities [8]
as below so above and beyond I imagine [13]
drawn outside the lines of reason [8]
push the envelope [5]
watch it bend [3]

I suppose it's not actually a true Fibonacci, since it does reverse itself.

The Fibonacci Sequence : It's basically a string of numbers that when you add a number to the number before it, you get the next number. Starting with the numbers 0 and 1. 0+1=1, so the set now looks like this; 0 1 1. You take the 1 and add the previous number (1) and you get 2. The sequence looks like this; 0 1 1 2. Now you take the 2 and add the previous number and get 3. Now you have 0 1 1 2 3. When you add the 3 and the 2 you get 5. 0 1 2 3 5. 5+3=8. 0 1 1 2 3 5 8. The process continues.

2007-01-11T15:27:00.000+05:30

A New Begining

I hereby start 2007 with no ill will towards anyone and wish each one of those people (you know who you are), the very best of luck!! If anything, you have made me a stronger man! Although we are not even friends anymore, I wish nothing but the best in life for you! You have been with me more in happy times than sad, and that counts for a lot! I have smiled, laughed, cried, fought with you... But I believe that no matter how dire the circumstances, every person deserves to be forgiven...

So, to all of you that I have "hurt" in the past... I am sorry... I hope all is forgiven and we can all make a fresh start on our paths!!

2007-01-08T21:30:00.000+05:30

A thought for the year past and the new year that's just begun :

You've changed the color of autumn
To a deeper shade of red
The lullaby of my still beating heart
Parades through my consciousness

Just that I don't believe
In fairy tales any more
And this glass casket of borrowed dreams
Will only open old wounds again

You are nothing but porcelain
Under my stony skin
And I'll never see your pale face
Framed by your dark hair

Deny me of this pleasure yet again
All tucked away in my closet now
Another pair of lips and eyes
Blessed are the heartless, blessed be you

2007-01-04T23:39:00.000+05:30

Welcome 2007!!

So lets see what I learnt in the year past :

- Learnt not to do stupid things in life
- Learnt to DEAL with stupid things that I DID do
- Learnt not to trust my instincts
- Learnt that life is going to throw you a vicious bouncer at every turn
- Learnt how NOT to duck those bouncers
- Learnt that I am not as valuable to certain people as I thought I was

And lets see what the last year did for me :

- Good year professionally
- Good year for breaking new year resolutions before the end of January
- Good year for putting thoughts on paper (or blogs)
- Bad year for relationships
- Bad year for playing sports
- Bad year for health (shoulder, neck and leg problems)

That being said, I could not have wished for a better year than the one past.. It taught me a lot and left me with the lingering feeling that I will be completing 30 years of my life and I am still single :-)

2006-12-08T22:30:00.000+05:30

OMERTA

Whoever appeals to the law against his fellow man is either a fool or a coward. Whoever cannot take care of themself without that law is both. For a wounded man shall say to his assailant, "If I live I will kill you, if I die you are forgiven". Such is the Rule of Honor.

2006-12-01T11:57:00.000+05:30

A question for all of you - off beat and out of context... Have you stumbled upon salvation? No? How about now?

Over the years we spent,
What makes us break like this?
And I'm no closer now
Would anyone care for it?

I wait for you on the street
I will sleep under the tree
Will try not to crush the leaves,
Like I did the day before

Sober, I made it through
So much to show for it
And in the morning I know
I'm still just as dead as before

Underneath lays the soul of a boy
Whose mind stays refused.
His heart still beats
The undeniable truth

And every night
I wake from shaking knees
Maybe I've found myself,
Or someone else

2006-11-23T19:56:00.000+05:30

ORKUT - SOMETIMES IGNORANCE IS BLISS!

We all know Orkut as the harbringer of good news for all people in the world. I keep hearing from people how it has changed their lives and brought them in touch with their old forgotten friends. Let me tell you my side of it.

So let me give you some background. In school, I was a brat! And I was not the only one... I had 3 similarly "gifted" friends ... The four of us made quite a crew and got into a lot of trouble as well... Aaah those were the days!

So I joined my school's community just for the heck of it. I was quite sure that no one from my batch (we go back to the age of the dinosaurs!) would join me there. Nevertheless, I tried my luck and scrapped a few random people whose names I vaguely remembered.

Just when I was about to give up and assume that all people from my batch did not know what the internet was, one of them sent me a message! And this guy was one of us "fantastic four".... I remembered the face, which was now plumper and wiser (and he said the same thing about me, except the wise part!)

So I got about to asking what he was doing... to my surprise, this one, the brattiest one of us all, had managed to make it big in life... He had a wife, a one-year old son and was quite well settled in Florida working as a manager in a big multinational! Life had turned out really good!

I got around to asking him what happened to the other two because this was the first time in about 14 years I was speaking to ANY of them. He was hesitant at first and said he did not feel like discussing the past times! I was surprised because these were the ONLY times we had shared.

After much pestering, he finally opened up and told me what had happened. Turns out that life had not been that nice to the other two. One of them was a washed up salesman going door to door selling polishing liquid. He had made a moderate fortune by starting his own cement factory. But then he got addicted to gambling and lost about 70 lakhs of his money in about 3 months! Soon, his wife left him, taking whatever little he had left. Last my friend had heard of him was when he bumped into him on a street somewhere in Mumbai and asked him for Rs 10 to buy some biscuits and chai! He promised to contact him again, but never did.

More surprising was the fate of the fourth one. A certified uber-nerd, this guy was a whiz at computing when electronic typewriters were the "in" thing! All of us were quite sure that he would one day make a mark in his field. Turns out, we were right. He completed engineering and IIT from India, went on to do his MBA from a prestigious Ivy League university from the states and by the age of 24 had joined a software giant in the US.

On 31st December, 2004, when partying with friends in New York City, this social smoker overdosed on a fatal mix of raw cocaine and white wine and was certified DEAD at 3.20 AM on January 1st 2005!

I was devastated! I remembered he was about 2 months younger to me. When you hear of people dying of drug overdoses, you somehow never think that it could happen to someone you know. And yet, here was a 27 year old whose life was snuffed out in the prime! All his friends said that he had never done drugs till then and all he wanted to do was find out what it was all about!

All I could say was "May his soul rest in peace" and I just wish that the other one would get in touch with one of us again so that we can help him out in some way!

Orkut had gotten me my friends back -- but somehow I feel I could have lived without this information about my other two friends. I was happy just imagining that they were happy wherever they were. Now that I know, I agree - sometimes ignorance IS bliss!

2006-11-20T17:37:00.000+05:30

I can only imagine how much it must hurt when someone is hung by a rope to die. I will NEVER do that to myself or wish that on anyone... but the hurt is quite similar to feelings some people go through many times in their life and are yet alive to tell the tale... This is one such tale...

I suffer in hunger
Your name was written
On this empty plate
Of my unbecoming love

The more I crave for you
The more I bleed and hurt
Time can heal a broken heart
Or leave you to prey

The clock would tell for end
And fight away the dawn
Tomorrow is a door
The seal I´ll never break

Sorrow has paved the path
You keep sharpening the thorns
That will keep me awake
For as long as I walk

Can´t you see how it hurts
To be alone and lost like a leaf
I´m still lying alone
Wishing you were here

After all of this is gone
I´m still breathing
I have no heart to say goodbye
Yet no strengh to hold on

2006-11-10T13:12:00.000+05:30

First Person Perspective

He wipes his hands
On anything in reach,
He never feels clean
He shakes at night
Because his nerve is gone,
Everything hurts

He stand as a victim,
as everything rots
He can't focus,
So he staggers around
Where there are no labels
And no rehabilitation

Come one and all
And see the broken man,
Talking to himself
He sits and waits
For something better,
He'll never find it here

He is surrounded
by the very thoughts he fears

2006-10-26T14:52:00.000+05:30

Its been a while since I posted anything. I happened to catch up with an old favorite song of mine, Vermillion Pt 2. Normally, when you hear of the band "Slipknot", you dont normally associate them with a song (or a video) like this. The video, directed by Mark Klasfeld, a person known for his slightly "unusual" videos, is actually very unsual. It features a girl floating like a leaf and I was completely blown away... Judge for yourself...

Watch the video here:

Vermillion 2

Vermillion Pt.2 Lyrics:

She seemed dressed in all of me,
stretched across my shame.
All the torment and the pain
Leaked through and covered me
I'd do anything ever to my self
Just to have her for myself
Now I don't know what to do
I don't know what to do
When she makes me sad

She is everything to me
The unrequieted dream
the song that no one sings
The unattainable.
She's a myth that I have to believe in
All I need to make it real is one more reason
I don't know what to do
I don't know what to do
When she makes me sad.

But I won't let this build up inside of me
I won't let this build up inside of me(x3)

A catch in my throat
Choke, torn into pieces I won't - No
I don't want to be this

But I won't let this build up inside of me
(won't let this build up inside of me)
I won't let this build up inside of me
(won't let this build up inside of me)(x3)

I won't let this build up inside of me(x2)

She isn't real (I won't let this build up inside of me)
I can't make her real (I won't let this build up inside of me)
She isn't real (I won't let this build up inside of me_
I can't make her real (I won't let this build up inside of me)

2006-09-08T17:17:00.000+05:30

Overrated

I dont mind being ridiculed
Just to feel miniscule
If you consider it pitiful
You dont know a thing about me

Not trying to figure out
A better answer
Keep finding all the problems
I've been looking after

I abstained my part
Vision's all but shot
I have a confession
Must go for all the lessons

My skin, I paint with pain
Guess I dont care any more
My eyes turn from blue to brown
Its the end of everything

Flaws - only thing left that's pure
Everything I see reminds me of her
What the hell am I doing?
Am I wrong, fucked, and overrated?

2006-09-06T15:37:00.000+05:30

The war of the youth, inside themselves and against everyone!

YOUth

Denying the source
disconnected and sore
The choice is there
but our eyes are blind

Now what can be done?
We stand alone
Something inside us
tells us something is wrong

Fighting alone,
exhausted and torn
This time it's for real
but our will is weak

What if we fail,
no one will stay
Put out the light,
wave of anxiety we ride

Afraid of struggle and pain
Easier to sit down and wait
Ignorance is killing youth
Can't you see what I mean?

2006-08-30T14:53:00.000+05:30

THE FRIDAY RITUAL

I have never been too good at writing in prose, have never been able to do much more than reviews and stuff. In fact, this might be the first time I am writing in this form. I just wanted to share some times that I will remember for the rest of my life.

It was about 3 years ago when I was working with my previous company. I had a lot of friends but very few who were REAL friends (and that STILL is the case.) So I ask you to imagine a friday night that was really dark and soaking wet, yet not very cold. In fact, it was hot and humid.

A couple of my friend and I were wondering how we were to spend this night. More precisely, where the hell were we going to get some booze. Since I was living alone then, I suggested we grab some booze and hang at my place watching DVDs on my 29" TV. The both of them immediately agreed and thus started what we called, and soon the entire company came to know, as "The Friday Ritual".

Now, make no mistake, this wasn't just a forum for us to get drunk and talk piss. We, and in specific, one friend and I, had arguements about work, love, family, marriage, social causes, global warming, cricket, sports, outer space, atheism, extra terrestrial life, computers, robotics, music, movies, culture, art and almost everything else under the sky. It came from the fact that neither one of us wanted to lose an arguement. It was a different matter that I was always the winner with my carefully structured method of persuasion using solid facts as support :-) . But my friend never graciously accepted defeat, in fact, he sulked in a corner nursing his drink, failing to find a verbose answer to my facts. And in the very few instances that I lost, I simply refused to accept it and continued to make half-assed attempts at continuing the arguement.

Check my friend's blog for an apt example: http://karthikinblogs.blogspot.com

This routine of ours continued for months together, so much so that we knew what kind of reply the other one would come up with enough before the other had thought of it. That kind of understanding between friends takes a lifetime to acheive, yet we were there within a couple of months.

Now you might think that this must have led to some kind of animosity between the two of us, but instead what it did was generate a gesture of friendship towards each other. Never until then did I have a friend who would not submit and never until then did he have a friend who could argue just for the pleasure of it. We were poles apart, yet closer than brothers.

Then, the cruelest of all maidens, time, played her hand. I had to move to greener pastures and so did he. We bid adieu and solemnly made a promise to each other that this would not be the end of our friendship or our "Friday rituals".

To this day, he and I continue to meet at least once a month and try to catch up. And we dont catch up because we want to talk about things that are really important. I want to catch up because with this person, I feel free. I have no inhibitions, no sense of fear or judgement. This person makes me feel at home. He is what people might call a "best friend", but actually, he is more than that to me. He is the one person who has the right to scold me, berate me, chide me... Something that no one else in the world has. And that's what a real friend is meant for. To push your chin up when times are bad and to clink your glass when the going is good...

Cheers to all people who have friends like this, I really hope you do.

2006-08-04T15:58:00.000+05:30

Goddamit... The most fucked up week ever, personally...

DiReCtIoN

I've known faces
That have disappeared in time
Find me wrapped in glass
Now slowly soaked in time

All people have faces
made to make you cry
I've seen this and wondered
What I've done to justify

I'm smeared across the room
And doused in blood
You wore me like a stain
Yet I'm the one who's obscene

No attention to your
Simple little indiscretions
I have no right to win
Just caught up in all the battles

The end of my end
It simplifies my means
All I ever do is pay for
My every attempt to evade

I can't handle anything
If i can't handle you
Either way it better be
No one better ever pity me

Caught up in all my
Fuckin' bastardly directions
I've got all time to lose
Don't YOU fucking pity me

2006-07-28T17:31:00.000+05:30

Nickelback's "Far Away" has been haunting me for the past few days.. Its a beautiful song that works on many levels for me. If you have experienced pure unadulterated love for someone, this is the song for you...

"Far Away"

This time, This place
Misused, Mistakes
Too long, Too late
Who was I to make you wait
Just one chance
Just one breath
Just in case there's just one left
'Cause you know,

That I love you
I have loved you all along
And I miss you
Been far away for far too long
I keep dreaming you'll be with me
and you'll never go
Stop breathing if
I don't see you anymore

On my knees, I'll ask
Last chance for one last dance
'Cause with you, I'd withstand
All of hell to hold your hand
I'd give it all
I'd give for us
Give anything but I won't give up

So far away
Been far away for far too long
I wanted
I wanted you to stay
'Cause I needed
I need to hear you say
That I love you
I have loved you all along
And I forgive you
For being away for far too long
So keep breathing
'Cause I'm not leaving you anymore
Believe it

2006-07-21T12:17:00.000+05:30

I am insanely jealous of Chris Wright, a dear friend and a fellow Googler in Mountain View, CA. The reason being that the other day he got to go to a Pearl Jam concert, a couple of weeks after seeing Radiohead live!!! Not only that, he took pictures of Eddie Vedder from about 8 feet away....

Chris, how I envy you, man!!! Grrrr :-)

2006-07-07T15:13:00.000+05:30

Caught up with an old favorite today... A heartfelt song from a father to his kid... Aaron Lewis of Staind wrote this song for his daughter, Zoe Jane, who was born after a lot of difficulty...If I ever have a daughter, this is one song that would definitely sing to her.. Come to think of it, this song would apply to anyone.. Or maybe not.. read on. And if you like the words, just ask me for the song.

Zoe Jane - Staind

Well I want you to notice
To notice when I'm not around
And I know that your eyes see straight through me
And speak to me without a sound

I want to hold you
Protect you from all of the things I've already endured
I want to show you
Show you all of the things that this life has in store for you
I'll always love you
The way that a father should love his daughter

When I walked out this morning
I cried as I walked to the door
I cried about how long I'd be away for
I cried about leaving you all alone

I want to hold you
Protect you from all of the things I've already endured
I want to show you
Show you all of the things that this life has in store for you
I'll always love you
The way that a father should love his daughter

Sweet Zoe Jane....
Sweet Zoe Jane.....

So I wanted to say this
Cuz I wouldn't know where to begin
To explain to you what I have been through
To explain where your daddy has been

I want to hold you
Protect you from all of the things I've already endured
I want to show you
Show you all of the things that this life has in store for you
I'll always love you
The way that a father should love his daughter

Sweet Zoe Jane......
Sweet Zoe Jane.......

2006-07-07T11:20:00.000+05:30

Finally... Got time for one...

"You'll never see me crying"

A lesson learned in life
Known from the dawn of time
What it takes, who I am, where Ive been
You cant be something youre not

I cry to weak friends that sympathize
Those same friends tell me your every word
And you call yourself a friend
Ive got no friends like you

Take your hate shelve my pride
Anything to free your mind
Sorry it doesnt live here anymore
You know just exactly what its for

Your love was all I ever had
That’s the way my heart was broke
And now it’s changed and it seems
You’ll never ever see me crying

Now I watch the falling rain
All my mind can see now is your face
Like the birth of a new found joy,
This love would not end in rage

2006-06-23T13:18:00.000+05:30

Current mood : Oscillating between Black and Grey

Comfort your cries no longer
No one to pick you up
When you fall down
We who watch and feel your pain

I won't allow those around
Me to poison my judgment
I know, what is best
I am able to decide what is destiny

You don't get it,
You won't forget
So you're better off
Just leave it alone

If you don't stop thinking
Soon you will be drinking
And you're better off
Just staying at home

2006-06-19T15:14:00.000+05:30

Presenting a song that has been haunting me for the past few days. The kid in the song is exactly what I was around 7-8 years ago.

FORT MINOR

"Slip Out The Back"

You know me, I used to get caught up in everyday life
Tried to make it through my day so i could sleep at night
Tried to figure out my way through the maze
Of rights and wrongs, but like you used to say
Nothing feels like it's really worth it
Forget perfect, i'm trying not to be worthless
Since i last saw you i been lookin for a purpose
Well i met this kid who thought like i did
He had a weird way of lookin at it
This is what he said

Slip out the back before they know you were there
And at the worst you'll see nobody cares
Cos you dont wana be around when it all goes down
Even heroes know when to be scared
Slip out the back before they know you were there
And at the worst you'll see nobody cares
Cos you dont wana be around when it all goes down
Even heroes know when to be scared

I dont remember where i met him or remember his name
But he walked funny like he was too big for his frame
Just over five foot but he weighed a buck fifty
And what he said just seemed so right it stuck with me
Listen its like poker you can play your best
But you got to know when to fold your cards and take a rest
And know when to hold your cards and hold your breath
And hope that nobody else is stacking the deck because
I dont need to tell you that life isnt fair, it doesnt care
It arbitrarily cuts off your air,
and like you i want someone to say its okay
But in the truest parts of our hearts everybody's afraid
But just underappreciated and overwhelmed
Fighting so hard to hide our fear that we're scaring ourselves
You understand when im saying that you always did
But its different in the words of a cowardly kid

I'm no hero, you remember how i was, you know
All I ever did was worry, feeling out of control
To the point where everything was going end over end
Im spinning around in circles again
This is where you come in
All of this to explain to you why
I had to separate myself away from yesterday's life
Please remember this isn't how i hoped it would be
But i had to protect you from me
Thats why i slipped out the back before you knew i was there
I know you felt unprepared
But every single time i was around i just bring you down
And i could tell that it was time to be scared
Thats why i slipped out the back before you knew i was there
And i know the way i left wasnt fair
I didnt want to be around just to bring you down
Im not a hero but dont think i didnt care

2006-06-09T20:27:00.000+05:30

Selected verses from the song "The Channel"... When in a really fucked up mood, I tend to listen to such crap...

I hate all the people
That try to fuck you for your game
I don't like my childhood
I do not need someone else to blame

I don't like being paranoid
I don't like that I'm breeding again
but I accept all these cards I've been dealt
And just be without all the fucking friends

Who gives a fuck about what I like
who gives a fuck about who listens
as long as I'm here
as long as you know you can keep me here

for whenever you get lost
or you need an excuse to coverup your intentions
you hate that I express how I'm feeling
you hate that you relate to this shit

you hate that I'm a tick
you're finding hard to forget!
This is the channel I'm dialed into
I already know you, are dialed in too

2006-06-01T11:02:00.000+05:30

Sorry

Feeling so ashamed,
I'll take all the blame,
All my life I've been so confused,
Its all my fault, but I wont say

Maybe when I leave
I'll lead a life less empty
Maybe we were waiting way too long
To start this lifelong story

I'll accept not half
Of all these consequences
Maybe then that's when
I'll finally mean when I say I'm sorry

Today I look at your notes
I see your fear and I worry
What I could do to help myself
And sorry is not the hardest word anymore

2006-05-24T08:09:00.000+05:30

Rise
All these thoughts that capture me
They won't let me take control
I've got to rise above my life.
To find the reason I'm alive.

I'll save myself,
I'm all alone.
I've opened my heart
To see there's nobody home.

It's up to me,
I'm on my own.
The message of life is turning
Facing the storm.

My Life is filled with your memory.
You were deep within my heart.
You were deep inside of me.
And all this pain that I'm wrapped around.

If there's a heaven up above,
I see the angels falling down
Life is like a distress call,
wail deep within my soul, cry deep within me
_________________________________________

You

You lost all faith in promises
And in real love closing in
Tired of deciphering
Your wayward mind's strands of truth

Puzzled by the trappings
Your words make the edges blur
Standing on the outskirts
Of sincerity and pride

The ends of your conditioning
To swallow, and force to like it
Choose to keep me in the dark
Than look me in the eye

There's something in the words I hear
That makes me want to take a stand
You think its gone on too long
I would have chosen to disengage

So what if healing takes forever
so what if time is meant for others
so what is left is but to shatter
Can't what is broken be whole?

2006-05-17T19:34:00.000+05:30

Heard this song after a long time...

You held my hand and then you slipped away
And I may never see your face again
So tell me how do to fill the emptiness inside
Without love, what is life?

And anyone who knew us both can see
We always were the better part of me
I never wanted to be this free
All this pain, does it go away?

From memory, there is no hiding place
Turn on the TV and I see you there
In every crowd there's always someone with your face
Everywhere, trying not to care

To you, I wish you everythin'
And all the best that life can bring
I only hope you think of me sometimes,
And even though I feel the pain
I know that I will love again
Time will come, and I will move on

Then every time I turn around
And you're nowhere to be found
But I got a long, long way to go
Before I can say goodbye to you

- Def Leppard

2006-05-14T16:29:00.000+05:30

Silence

Silence is reeling in my head
I dont want to remember this
But it must be what I miss
Suddenly I find I’m standing still
Staring at the ground, waiting for a sound
The voice of loss is sighing through the night
And as I turn around, nothing's to be found
For hours now upon this endless road
Is it taking me where I long to be?

Serendipity??

You leave your feelings out there hanging
Just don’t know what I will do
It always will be the same old story
This kind of love could never be true

What in the world has come over you
Should I hold you close or let you go by
Just fed up, tired and lonely
Wanting to run away and hide

I was riding, trying to get to heaven
Down the road to nowhere
Just standing in the doorway crying
Until my eyes begin to bleed

2006-04-29T13:14:00.000+05:30

People say that I stare a lot. But how do you appreciate beauty with just a glance? Is it possible to drink it all in a sip? How can you just take one look and be done with? I call this "Stalker"

Don't look her closely in the eye,
What side of the glass you are on?
The safety of the life you have built,
Everything where it belongs

What if all the world you know,
Was just an expansive dream?
If you look at the reflection,
Find yourself afraid to see

And you're really all alone
You can live in this illusion,
You can choose to believe.
Is it all you want it to be?

We're in this together now
None of us can stop us now
When all our hope is gone
And all that we were is gone

Under the rust of time
Feelings don't disappear
I cant help but stare
Because you are still right there

2006-04-27T18:59:00.000+05:30

Its been a long time since my last post, but I have been really busy and have not had any time at all. Today's posting takes me back to what is regarded as the turning point in Metallica's journey in metal - The Black Album. The album marked their entry into the mainstream, with shorter songs, simpler song structures, and slower tempos overall. More in the review :

I have put off this review for a long time, but now i know what to say: it's way too hated because it's the major mainstream album. I couldn't care less, it has everything Metallica had before except the fast speed. Sure, it's not a classic like Master of puppets, but it's far from any other album.

The "Black Album" is a turning point in the history of rock music. Rarely has a such a hyped up album lived up to the billing. Granted, the hits such as Sandman, Sad But True and Nothing Else Matters are played out. However, the album never stops delivering. The production of this album is flawless. I maintain that if Justice was recorded the same way this album was, it would be regarded as the best Metallica album in the catalog. Besided the hits, the album has underappreciated tracks such as "Of Wolf and Man", "God that Failed" and "Holier than Thou". If you want to get into Metallica, this is the first stop. While it may not be their greatest album, its damm close and you will not be dissapointed.

Track Listing:
1.Enter Sandman: What alot of people consider Metallica's trademark song, putting this track first best shows Metallica's evolution from crashy thrash since Dyer's Eve on ..And Justice for All. Even though this track is hard and heavy anybody who is anybody will dig this track. 10/10
2.Sad But True: You know how great a song is when even crappy rock posers like Kid Rock use the riffs in their songs (I still think "American Bad@ss" or whatever that track is called sucks, dont get me wrong). Kirk's riffs are outstanding, they are not like the overly heavy riffs from Justice, it sounds like hard rock guitar. If you could look up hard rock sound in the encyclopedia, this would be right next to it. 10/10
3.Holier than Thou: Even though they were no longer thrash, the transition isn't always a good thing. Take Holier than Thou for example: its a hard rock track but it is also obviously filler material. The guitar on here sounds too much like Scott Ian rhythm (which isn't bad, but this is Metallica) and the lyrics aren't really great ("No more, the crap rolls out your mouth again"? WTC!!) 6/10
4.The Unforgiven: Metallica's first true power ballad. I wouldn't call Fade to Black or Sanitarium power ballads, they are more darker songs, of subject material that is frightening while this song is about.... wait, what the crap is it about? It makes no friggn sense! The lyrics are inspired, Hammetts guitar work is moving, but I still don't know the message behind it! Unlike other so called "old metallica fans", I actually like this song better than their previous efforts; it shows real evolution for a band to go from "ahh, F#$k you!" to "want to join us at Borders?" 9.5/10
5.Wherever I may Roam: Another Tallica classic, the guitar work form Kirk on this track is ART. Thank god Lars and James finally let him wear the pants for at least this track or who knows how long he would have been doing thrashy riff after thrashy riff. If I learned anything from this track it is that if it weren't for Kirk's artistic playing in this album and the ones before it Metallica would sound like every other overtly heavy thrash band. 10/10
6.Don't Tread on Me: Unlike the whole Justice album, at least this song doesn't leave the listener thinking: "its about justice, ladefriggn DA!" Its a short song for Metallica in this age and time but the lyrics actually make freedom sound good. I think Kirk has a great guitar piece in this, which he probably picked up from lessons with Joe Satriani when he just joined Metallica. 10/10
7.Through the Never: This song sometimes seems like they added it just to make an album over an hour in length. First, the guitar work is weird, so almost everything else on this. Sounds like they were TRYING TO MAKE FILTER. Fluff: 6/10
8.Nothing Else Matters: This track is what I would call the centerpiece of the album. Sure, Enter Sandman may be the biggest single from this album and Unforgiven may be Tallica's first power ballad, but this is hard rock classic defined. Everyone is like:" Man, One is Metallica's best ever!" Whatever! One is nowhere near their best! It's great but not the best. The string arrangement adds a whole dimension to Metallica's playing and enriches Kirks playing. Kirks guitar spots are almost reminiscent of Randy Rhoads' spots in "Diary of a Madman" or "Revelation (Mother Earth)". Just when I though we would never hear what Kirk always called his "Rhoads influenced guitar playing", not only does the song sound great, but it ends up being what many call Metallica's greatest work. 11/10
9.Of Wolf and Man: Loud, Heavy, straight-out metal. The intro bang drum assault and loud tempo rings are stringing to the soul. Also, these lyrics scream "James Heitfeld!" so loud it isn't even funny. 10/10
10.God that Failed: A good song, not filler but not "Wow!" 8/10
11.My Friend of Misery: Long, complex songwriting with a bit of zucato instument work. Not very impressive, I think it is a little overated. 8/10
12.Struggle Within: It is really hard to write reviews for albums with more than 10 tracks, that is why these latter track reviews suck like crap, so I will try as hard as I can to do a good job on this one. This is the fast paced allout rocker on this album, the vocals are fast paced and aggressive, the drums and bass loud, but the standout on here is definitely Kirks solo: it is pure awesomeness. It sounds like classic VH virtuoso mixed with with heavy Motorhead-like tempo, the first obvious virtuoso guitar work i have heard from Kirk. 10/10

When Metallica released this album in 1991, they had already earned a fanbase that was so strong and dedicated to their music. And since ...And Justice For All hit #6 on the charts, it's no surprise that this album went straight to #1. Produced by Bob Rock, the sound is more solid and polished than the previous albums. What sets Metallica apart from other bands who have taken this route, however, is that the music is still heavy and on their own terms. Yes, the 8 minute prog-metal jams and 220 bpm thrash beats are gone, but the songs sound great with a more simple structure, and it's tight as ever. The bass comes through much better than the previous album, and the drums sound very full without sounding like a Poison or Ratt album. This is not Metallica's angriest or darkest album despite the album cover. But, not only is it one of best records they have ever made, it is one of the best records ever made, period.

2006-04-21T19:32:00.000+05:30

This is what happens when you have a REALLY bad day....

Periphery of change
Just an illusion
Disputed dreams
Of revolution

Your morality is hypocrisy
Obsessive self-esteem
Enforcing your ideals
Your puritanical dream

Siege of power
Inside your fucked up mind
Outward restrictions
To keep you in line

Hide behind others
Hide behind life
You should be living
But you only survive

2006-04-18T20:57:00.000+05:30

One last thing that I HAD to post.. this one is very dear to me...

Reflection

So I won't have to say a word
What I never meant to say
Make it right again some day

Say you'll never leave, please
This war inside my mind is killing me
When you're staring at the ground

Wishing that you didn't know
What I'm really thinking
You won't even look at me now

A knife cuts deeper than a hammer's fall
But the pain is the same when
You're losing it all

The sound is coming closer
I feel it in my veins tonight
Shame on me, my black heart

The mirror is on the floor,
Shattered a million bits
Each reflecting my eyes

2006-04-17T10:15:00.000+05:30

I know I am getting kinda repetitive with posting of my "pieces", but I think I just can't help it.. :-)... Anyway, here goes another one...

Beautiful

As beautiful as the sun
As wonderful as they come
I can't help but feel attached
To feelings i can't even match

I'm sure you know me well,
As i'm sure you don't
But you just can't tell
Who'll you want and who you won't

Let the clouds roll by your face
Let the world move on to another place
Climb the tallest roof above it all
To look down on you and me and them

Here just waiting for you
Under your stars forever
Neither here nor there just right beside you
I'll be under the stairs forever

2006-04-12T18:40:00.000+05:30

Some more pieces that I thought of posting...

This one's unnamed yet...

Crossroads outside of town
Let heartbroken faces shine
In city lights, so far and dull
Turning left, I know it's time

With an urgent wind upon my rolling heels
To carry me along
My face downcast
That I turn to ruins passed and home

Wander off in the dead of night
Past terrors and broken homes
Wipe the sleep from your eyes
Of riverbanks and catacombs

Sleeping to the bee and the sea
Always lived this life alone
Lay down beneath the loft
Cry out I know it's time

Love is everything I want
Is it bright where you are
Have the people changed
Does it make you happy you're so strange
And in your darkest hour
I hold the secret flames

Silent times

Silent times are sliding away
Ones in grey shroud of sky and stars
When this world was young
Under bloody eye of anger

People of all kind
Killed each other here
Now in hard embrace of the unknown
Are their eyes in mortal suffering

Gripped by thick ice of ages
Fierce, indocile, yet beautiful
Forest's Gloom collided together
Satiated with blood the Earth

And Wind's roar with suffering
At sunset battle's hammer subsided
It was dark and peace in universe
All were dead and unstable swamps
Grew their grave forever

2006-04-05T19:18:00.000+05:30

As I mentioned earlier, I have grown up in terms of my writing abilities... I think I am very selfish when it comes to writing stuff... I cannot be as heartfelt as some people... I am sometimes very blunt and unorthodox.. Hope you like these few pieces.. They are, after all, pieces of me...

Stand Strong Alone (2005)

Confrontation can break you down to your very last compound.
Beat you down, drag you around to break you
Refuse to bend, never ever let it take you
Over the edge where you can never break through.

Overcome, set back, stand strong alone
The good, the bad, the truth, the unknown
Locked up at war with the demons within
I fight to live, I live to win.

The harder that I battle with life's deceit,
The stronger I stand on my own two feet.
If I allow the world to assimilate my mind,
Will my freedom be forever denied?

________________________________________________________

Colors (2005)

Over seeing, over analyzing
separates my body from the mind.
Withering my infatuation,
missing opportunities and I must
Feed my will to feel my moment
drawing outside the lines.

Black then grey are all i see in my infancy.
Blue and red then came to be, reaching out to me.
Lets me see there is so much more and
Smiles at me to look through to these possibilities.
As down, so above and beyond, I think
Drawn beyond the lines of thought.
Push the will. Watch it bend.

_______________________________________________

2006-04-04T11:52:00.000+05:30

I have always maintained that music is something that has helped me conquer difficulties in life. When confronted with a problem, there is just one recourse for me...

One such song that I have been listening to a lot these days is Sevendust's "Xmas Day".The atmosphere is dependably dark and gothic - to match the leeches and forked tongue depicted within the CD booklet - and this ominous near-ballad finds some real weight within waves of desperation.

You can listen to a sample from this song by visiting http://www.last.fm/music/Sevendust/_/Xmas+Day

Of course, if you need the entire song, email me!

XMAS DAY - Sevendust

One step in the dark
Touch her hand just to see
If she's all alone again
Still she hasn't seen sun
But I promise you now when she wakes
There will be none
Don't know how she gets by
Sleeps with a phone on her chest
And a bottle that's totally dry
Forgets the day I was born
But if she saw me right now
She would hold me until we both die

I could be the one who would die to
feel you breathe

I could break into a million pieces
So just run as fast as you can for me
You mean everything

I can't deny her. I'll do whatever
To stop all the bleeding that makes
her world so red
Such a delicate one
She screams so loud that I run to
hide from the sound
And I could be the one who would die
to feel you breathe
But it's too far-gone
And this love cant die

Until the next time... Cheers!!!

2006-03-31T18:38:00.000+05:30

Taking a break from my regular review postings because someone felt that it was getting too repetitive .. so, I am posting something that I created a long time ago.. Hope you like it... And yes, I have grown up since then :)

Pin Prick on a lonely Tuesday Afternoon (1999)

Want to keep something precious
Lock it up and throw away the key
You want to hold on to possessions
Dont even think about me

If its a mirror you want
Just look into my eyes
I'm a whipping boy
Someone you love to despise

A prisoner in the dark
Tied up in chains you can't see
Or a beast in gilded cage
Thats all some people want to be

I've spent too many years
At war with myself
The doctor has told me
Its not good for my health

To search for perfection
Is all very well
But to look for heaven
Is to live here in hell

There were rooms of forgiveness
In the house that we shared
There were cupboards of patience
There were shelves of care

But forever conditioned to believe
I cant live and be happy with less
So many riches, so many souls
Everything I see in you, I want to possess

______________________________________________

And another one I dug up that I call "Tourist in your Arms" (2000)

I was never good at loving you
Never good at coming through for you
You are going to feel much better
When you cut me loose forever

I was dying when we met
I bet my life on you
But you called me and I folded
Like you always knew I would do

I was good at taking out the garbage
Pretty good at holding up the wall
Dealing with the fire and the quake
Company kept with one and all

I was never good at loving you
I was just a tourist in your arms, admiring the view
The moon looked from behind the wall
I think the moon's already seen it all

___________________________________________

And finally.. something that I wrote when I was 14.. in 1991. I call this "Anthem of the Birds"

Birds sing at the break of day
Shining brightly as the morning ray
Dont dwell on what has passed
Or what is yet to be

The wars, they will be fought again
The holy dove will be caught again
Bought and sold and bought again
The dove is never free

Sometimes you add up the parts
But you cant get the sum
To every heart love will come
But like a refugee

So ring the bells that still can ring
Forget your perfect offering
There is a crack in everything
Thats how the light gets in

2006-03-29T14:04:00.000+05:30

In their 1996 album "Roots", Sepultura experiments with minor-key dynamics and atonal harmonics, imbuing their wall of noise with an oppressive sense of mystery. They also extend their musical horizons, adding clattering tin drums and what sounds like a jew's-harp to "Breed Apart," and garnishing "Lookaway" with DJ scratching, half-speed vocals, and a gothic, chiming mid-section. Read the review...

Even though "Chaos A.D." was Sepultura's bravest and most innovative album (because it premiered a song which was an instrumental consisting entirely of acoustic guitars and tribal drums), I still consider "Roots," Sepultura's sixth, their most experimental and creative work. This 1996 album was also Sepultura's last with frontman Max Cavalera; he would leave the group and go on to front a solo band, Soulfly. And, until 2004's "Prophecy," "Roots" was also more experimental than anything Max would make in Soulfly.

"Roots" is still a heavy metal album, but the death metal is long gone, because (as was the case with "Chaos A.D.") these riffs are tinged with punk. Plus, since Max adopted Korn's downtuned guitars and had guest appearances, some fans think this album helped usher in nu-metal. I, however, still believe that the experimental aspects of "Roots" made it innovative.

"Roots, Bloody Roots" is the first single, probably the heaviest song on "Roots," and is one of Sepultura's best known songs. It remains a staple of their live shows, and the success of this song has influenced some Soulfly songs (like "Prophecy.") Plus, Max has even adopted this song as his own, and played it during some Soulfly concerts. The album opens with the sound of crickets chirping, then this song launches into heavy, de-tuned guitar bluster. These guitars, which make a heavy churning and humming noise, are a big part of why this song is so heavy and catchy (even though there are some good vocal hooks, here, too). I enjoy how the beat comes down, then Max comes out of no where to let out one of his loud, ascending yells.
"Attitude" features guitars which are at first flamenco, then punching and pounding.
"Ratamahatta" is the song with the Brazilian tribe. It begins with what sounds like maracas and tribal drums. The guitars kick in and there's some catchy, aggressive scat in the background. The verses on this song are soft and restrained, making a good friction between the verses and heavy choruses.
"Breed Apart" has tin drums at the beginning, before turning to chunky, chug and churn guitars and vocals that alternate from supple growling to raging yells. The Jew's harp comes aboard and plays briefly over the beat, and the song ends with some static-sounding white noise.
"Spit" starts with (what sounds like) guitar feedback and some distant yelling (of "Un, dos, tres, cua!") The crunchy guitars eventually come to the front, and there are a few more of Max's heavy yells.
"Lookaway" has an instrument that could be a flute and a catchy drum beat, followed by DJ scratching (compliments of DJ Lethal-a DJ who would later join Limp Bizkit). Even though there are some guitars, this song's pace is about half as fast as the others. Two guest vocalists, Faith No More's Mike Patton and Korn's Jonathan Davis, make an appearance and sing/whisper over distant, dreary, ghost-like noises.
"Dusted" begins with a banging of the drum sticks, then the guitarists (Andreaas Kisser and Max Cavalera) make some of the heaviest and fastest guitar riffs since track one.
"Born Stubborn" has a beeping guitar noise which becomes increasingly fast and heavy, but some more tribal drums and Brazilian chants are tossed in near the end.
"Itsari" mixes more South American chants and maracas with acoustic guitar strums and soft hand percussion.
"Ambush" is highlighted by a nice breakdown of heavy, groove-y guitars, which comes after the song veers into soft, serene territory.

All the bands that were influenced by this monumental album (including Soulfly) have not been able to match the incomparable ferocity and raw rage that Roots unleashed onto an unsuspectful public almost 10 years ago. It is highly unlikely anyone ever will too.

If we were to scan for the most significant releases in music (and i mean in all the musical spectrum) "Roots" would rate way up there amongst the most original and influential albums of all time, not to mention one that drew yes many copycats but like all genius efforts it's nearly impossible to reproduce.

What's more substantial is that the band established themselves with "Roots" as one with one of the most important rock albums of all time under their belts, one of those albums that justifiably deserve the title of "definitive rock album", in fact, and as far as I'm concerned it's among the top 5 rock albums in this genre's history. If for whatever reason you've missed out on this classic do yourself a huge favor and discover it.

Coming next: Creed, with "Human Clay"...

2006-03-28T11:28:00.000+05:30

Metallica, never resting, never ceasing to innovate or amaze, bring us an extraordinary document of their concert with the San Francisco Symphony. Metallica's select favorites unfold like never before with the eloquent symphonic backing; they have never sounded more powerful or dramatic. Presenting Metallica with the San Fransisco Symphony Orchestra - S & M

What happens when you mix a heavy metal band with the San Francisco Symphony? High quality sounds that compliment one another. This is a highly creative (and original) task. The bass is particularly noticeable, vibrating entire rooms if played loud enough.

As an owner of many concert DVD's, the sound on this is amazing. Metallica sonically shine on this DVD. It will knock your socks off with or without a Home Theater System. The orchestra adds texture and fills that allow the band to emphasise the potent riffs, crunchy tight rythmns and razor edged solos. All backed with the furious precision of blisteringly fast percussion. Metallica play with emotion and they are captured beautifully with inventive camera angles that seem to coincide with the music especially during the opening of One.

The making-of documentary is a treat for fans as it shows the band at their most honest. I'm sure Metallica's other DVD's showcase that aspect better but I thought it was interesting. Devil's Dance, Fuel, Memory Remains all sound good with the symphony but aren't very good songs, especially with the early catalog of Metallica's music. Songs like Fade to Black, Unforgiven, Sanitarium, could have been incredible additions and could have made this concert something special. Hetfield sings from the heart while Lars goes completely insane during One - until you have heard that song on this DVD you have not truly heard it. This may well be Metallica at the very height of their musical abilities.
Fuel is too fast for the symphony and just sounds odd. Hetfield sings from the heart while Lars goes completely insane during One - until you have heard that song on this DVD you have not truly heard it. This may well be Metallica at the very height of their musical abilities.

The 2 new songs are OK but nothing groundbreaking. However, the 2 tracks that make this DVD worth owning are Master of Puppets and One. Nothing Else Matters, sends shivers down my spine, especially if listened to during a particularly negative mood swing. Nothing else matters indeed, especially after you listen to this and get over the pain you may experience at a particular time.

These are incredible songs on their own but coupled with a good symphonic arrangement and perfect sound and a gutsy vocal performance, these songs flat out pound your audio system and are visually impressive. Enter Sandman is another concert staple and sounds great as well with the addition of the symphony, however, the guitars are a bit muted.

An honarble mention is the hyper-fast Battery. A long favorite of mine from the PUPPETS album, it quite possibly sounds better here, than it does on the remastered album. Metallica play with guts here and in my opinion, sound incredible with the symphony in most cases. All in all, worth owning to wow your friends if you have a nice sound system and if you are a fan. My only gripe aside from track selection, is the somewhat muddy production and the average picture quality. Highly recommended and warn your neighbors because it will shake your room.

Coming next : Album Review - Sepultura : Roots

2006-03-27T13:21:00.000+05:30

Type O Negative is a somewhat unknown band in Indian metal circles... This is a gothic-doom metal band from Brooklyn, New York. Their dry, morbid and self-ironic sense of humour often reflects in their slow and brooding music. Peter Steele, their 7 Foot tall frontman, is a Goliath in every sense. He writes some of the most inane, but at the same time, some of the most intense stuff. This brings me to their "Best Of" album... amusingly titled "The Least Worst Of"...

If Soundgarden had a head-on collision with Black Sabbath (whose "Black Sabbath" they cover) while Sisters Of Mercy was in the middle, you'd get Type O Negative. Or, as better described by brooding frontman/bassist Peter Steele, Type O Negative play a unique brand of "Gothadelic Industrimetal." Well put.

I have no clue as to how these guys aren't more successful, they're absolutely amazing. I've always liked Type O Negative's songs, I just never got around to buying any of their CDs, so when "The Least Worst Of" came out, I had to buy it. I'm still kicking myself for not getting into them much sooner. The only real complaint I have, which I'm getting out of the way first, is that "Haunted" isn't included. That was the first Type O Negative song I ever heard, and its absence is definitely tragic. Never mind that though, that's not even a fault, just me whining. Besides, with amazing songs like "Black No.1," "Everyone I Love Is Dead," "My Girlfriend's Girlfriend," "Cinnamon Girl," and, well, the rest of the CD, there's nothing to complain about.

What makes TON so good though, is Peter Steele. His vocals are deeper than a grave, and he is definitely one of the greatest lyricists in music. He's smarter than Marilyn Manson, funnier than Insane Clown Posse (just pretend they're funny), more depressed than, um, me, and more cynical than anybody I've ever heard. Take, for example, "Unsuccessfully Coping With The Natural Beauty Of Infidelity." Not only is it the greatest title for a song ever, but it's a mini-epic unto itself successfully combining rage, humor, and the drive of thrash. My favorite part is when Peter starts screaming "I know!" while his band repeats him in the background (I know, as in, I know you're cheating on me; that's what they're talking about). If you don't laugh after hearing that song, check your pulse, as you probably are dead.

My personal favorite on this album is "Black No. 1," which is about hair dye (as well as the ever-occuring theme of despite for some woman). Sure, it is funny (especially if you're a Goth with a sense of humor), but it's also amazing musically as well. Another funny one is one of the four unreleased "new" tracks, "Stay Out Of My Dreams." I won't say anything other than you have to hear what Peter's saying, it's absolutely hilarious. "Cinnamon Girl (Depressed Mode Mix)," a Neil Young cover, is one of the best songs here. It's both psychedelic and danceable. How unique is that?

The band's Metal highlight is their cover of Black Sabbath's "Black Sabbath (From The Satanic Perspective)." Peter Steele sounds even more evil than Ozzy himself, and their cover rivals the original (I'm serious). Unlike the lame poser Goth-Metal bands that are out there today (Marilyn Manson, Coal Chamber, Cradle Of Filth, etc.), TON get both the Goth AND Metal side right. Bottom line is this: If you were foolish like I was and hadn't bought any TON albums, redeem your status and purchase "The Least Worst Of." This band is utterly brilliant. Here's to another decade of great Type O Negative material. "The Least Worst Of" is, simply put, a perfect album.

Reviewing next: DVD review - Metallica: S & M with the San Francisco Symphony

2006-03-25T20:53:00.000+05:30

Today's post brings me to what is my favorite alternative metal album. Come to think of it, this album established a new genre all its own called 'Art Rock.' The first time I heard A Perfect Circle's debut album 'Mer De Noms' (Sea of Names) was back in 2000. Their first album was groundbreaking in the sense that James Maynard Keenan fused the complex sounds of his other band 'Tool' with a melodic metal sound. More in the review..

I initially bought this casette (later CD)because of its beautiful cover. But after just one listen I learned that the cover accurrately depicts what they go for, beautiful music. Whether it is heavy or melodic, they create some of the best music that's out today. A Perfect Circle has the gift of being able to conjure up images through their music. Very few bands have that ability these days, nor does anyone really try.

Maynard writes some of the best, most eccentric lyrics out these days and he does it with little problem. His voice is your guide through this epic journey that just doesn't stop. After the last note of the last song you feel that you have just finished the journey of your life. Every song on here pulls out all stops and flows perfectly. A lot of bands these days hit a rough spot or two during a song, but this band, no matter what tempo of music they're playing, just glides through every song with ease. The texture created blends utterly amazingly with Maynard's voice.

This CD starts off with The Hollow. Possibly one of my favorite songs on here. The lyrics are great and the instrumentation is absolutely perfect for the mood of this song. 3 Libras is one of the slower songs on here, but don't let that drive you away from it. This song is so thick with emotion that you can feel where he's coming from. The band keeps it down on here, and in doing so puts Maynard's lyrics proudly on display.

Thinking Of You is a song with a bridge so catchy that it'll be in your head for days. I love the beginning of this song, simply because they use an unusual mix of instruments that create some good ear candy. Orestes has to be the best song on this album, with the line "bring me into your perfect circle" providing the basis for APC's name, and some very chilling lyrics. Magdalena's screaming guitars and deep bass lines give me shivers, as does Maynard's long note at the end of Judith.

"3 Libras", the song that got me into the band in the first place, is flat out gorgeous. It begins with a beautifully orchestrated string intro, then goes from mid-tempo ballad to a heavy, emotional finale. The creepy industrial-atmospheric assault, "Rose", which culminates with elegant strings. The raucous "Thomas". "Sleeping Beauty", in which Maynard puts a slight twist on the classic fairytale of the same name. And finally, the aggro-funk of "Thinking Of You". The CD ends with the appropriately named "Over." There's nothing complicated to this song, just Maynard reciting some lyrics with a light background beat.

Some stand-outs on this disc are The Hollow, Judith, 3 Libras, Thinking Of You, and Over. This is one of those records that you can listen straight through and love every single song. Although I like their new CDs, I strongly doubt that they will ever top this CD. This is a CD that you can listen to no matter what mood you're in, and that's something only a select few bands can accomplish because of its beautiful cover. But after just one listen I learned that the cover accurrately depicts what they go for, beautiful music. Whether it is heavy or melodic, they create some of the best music that's out today. A Perfect Circle has the gift of being able to conjure up images through their music. Very few bands have that ability these days, nor does anyone really try.

Coming next: Album review for Type O Negative - The Least Worst Of

2006-03-24T12:19:00.000+05:30

Continuing with the series of album review, we come to what can be considered one of nu-metal's (I know, I know, its a dead genre) best albums. Reviewing today, Korn's self titled debut album...

A lot of people bashed this album and I can't for the life of me understand why. If you just flat out don't like Korn, then yeah, I'll understand that, but if you do like rock, then you should, I would think, rejoice in this album. Afterall, Korn's self-titled debut shows Korn at their peak. Jon will probably never recapture the rage of the lyrics, or even his voice with this release, and the band, well, I think it's safe to say they peaked here and are coasting along now. I can't find a single song that I don't absolutely love on here, I think this is one of the most consistent rock CDs, if not the most, that was lumped in with the 'Nu Metal' label.

Blind, I'm convinced, is Korn's best song. From the second Jon asks the rhetorical question of 'Are you ready?' to his final scream of 'I'm blind', there's not even a question of whether this is Korn's best. Ball Tongue's first 33 seconds always has me floored, it's one of the best beats Korn has put out. The chorus is pretty chaotic so all that equals a very good song. While I like 'Need To' a lot, if I had to pick a weak song, this would be it. 'Need To' is very catchy and has some really good lyrics though. 'Clown' could do without the little intro it has, but despite that, it's one of the best songs featured. 'Divine' is your basic straight-forward Korn song. I like the verses much better than the chorus though. 'Faget' is, no doubt, a personal song. While it's a bit heartless to say, Jon's pain equals good music and 'Faget' is proof. 'Shoots And Ladders' is probably my second favorite Korn song behind 'Blind.' The chorus is the only original part lyrically since the rest is simply nursery rhymes, but the build up to the beginning is amazing. The use of bagpipes should've shown that Korn wasn't like the rest of the bands they were compared to. The rest of the CD, aside from 'Daddy,' is pretty much you like it or you don't, I like it, but I could understand if you didn't. 'Predictable' is another one of the more straight forward tracks featured yet it's got its own feel and stands alone. 'Fake' has a slower feel to it, but the chorus picks up the pace for those of you who can only hear riff after riff. 'Lies' is a song a lot of my friends don't like. I'll admit it's weaker, but nonetheless, I still like it. 'Helmet In The Bush' is one of my favorite songs on here. It's nowhere near the heaviest song on here and there's not much screaming, it's probably the slowest song on here actually, but Jon's voice is something to listen to. 'Daddy' is without a doubt the emotional peak on this CD and rightfully finishes off the CD. For the longest time I would have this song on repeat for hours because everything about it is done to perfection. Jon's emotion is palpable and the rest of the band is even more intense than usual. To this day 'Daddy' still gets to me.

My favorite songs on here are Blind, Faget, Shoots And Ladders, Helmet In The Bush, and Daddy. Korn tends to be one of those bands that I can't stop listening to for about a month or two, but then I'll go five or six months without ever thinking about them. The fact remains though that they did, whether you'll admit it or not, make some very memorable songs. It's safe to say that this CD serves as a virtual 'best of' seeing as how every song is nothing short of amazing.

Coming next : The album review for A Perfect Circle's 'Mer De Noms'

2006-03-23T11:40:00.000+05:30

From today, whenever I have time, I will be reviewing one of my favorite albums or DVDs.. So, of course, the first one I have chosen is the all time epic album by Metallica... presenting... MASTER OF PUPPETS

Master Of Puppets is an immortal classic, a defining moment in metal's history. This is the sound of youthful fury that knows how to play guitar really, really well. This is the greatest accomplishment thrash metal has ever achieved. And above all, it rocks. 1986 was arguably the golden year for thrash metal. Between Slayer's "Reign In Blood" and Megadeth's "Peace Sells..." it would have been great enough, but throw this into the mix, the best of the three, and you have a hallmark year. The way I see it, "Master..." was the first genuinely mature heavy metal album, addressing real issues such as drug abuse, war and religious corruption. The technical proficiency of each member is dazzling, and they all know it. With huge instrumental sections and solos populating the whole album, by the time the 54 minutes are up you'll be picking your jaw up off the floor. James Hetfield's voice was also in it's prime here, suitably gruff to compliment the albums general atmosphere. What's also remarkable is the variety shown between songs, another symptom that this is a true masterpiece. The songs range from thrash attacks, like "Battery," to fist-pumping hammer-fests, guaranteed to get you headbanging like "Leper Messiah," to the surprisingly emotional instrumental "Orion." This also stands out as being a great work as, despite the fact that it is fast and brutal enough that it should please fans of even the most vicious metal out there, it's still reasonably accessible - that's not something many bands are capable of making. The best song on here is probably the epic "Disposable Heroes." All in all, an indispensible classic. You can't call yourself a music fan without it.

Next time, something comtemporary.. something Modern Rock.. something Korn.. :)

Current listen: Metallica - Master of Puppets, Apocalyptica, Sepultura, Limp Bizkit - 3 Dollar Bill Y'all

2006-03-21T18:09:00.000+05:30

Thanks to Evanescence who did an excellent cover of this already excellent song by Korn, I have been listening to this song non stop for the past few days .. its got shades of misery, compounded by a lingering sense of helplessness against an enemy that is too big to comprehend or beat... presenting, Thoughtless...

Thumbing through the pages of my fantasies,
Pushing all the mercy down, down, down.
I wanna see you try to take a swing at me.
Come on, gonna put you on the ground, ground, ground.
Why are you trying to make fun of me?
You think it's funny?
What the fuck you think you're doing to me?
You take your turn lashing out at me.
I want you crying with your dirty ass in front of me.
Oh, all my hate cannot be found.
I will not be drowned by your thoughtless scheming.
So, you can try to tear me down,
Beat me to the ground,
I will see you screaming.
Thumbing through the pages of my fantasies,
I'm above you smiling at you - drown, drown, drown.
I wanna kill you the way you killed me.
And I'll pull the trigger and you're down, down, down.
All my friends are gone; they died.
(Gonna take you down!!!)
They all screamed and cried...
(Gonna take you down!!!)
I'm never gonna fucking, gonna fucking back against the wall.
Oh, all my hate cannot be found.
I will not be drowned by your thoughtless scheming.
So, you can try to tear me down,
Beat me to the ground,
I will see you screaming.

Current listen : Thoughtless by Evanescence and Korn, Nemo by Nightwish, Roads by Roadrunner United, The Reason by Hoobastank

2006-03-20T13:42:00.000+05:30

My vague disposition in the past few weeks has seen me veer back to some of my old solaces.

I threw you the obvious
Just to see if there was more behind
The eyes of a fallen angel
Eyes of a tragedy

Far beyond a visible sign of your awakening
Failing miserably to find a way to comfort you
Hiding from some poisoned memory

I am expecting just a little bit too much
From the wounded
But I see through it all

Well, apparently nothing
You don't see me at all

2006-02-10T13:59:00.000+05:30

Don’t read this unless you are really bored. If you are reading this sentence, it means that you already read too much. Surely, you can find something better and more interesting to do (like reading the tax regulations)I was born in 1977 in India. I got my first computer at age 8, and became a complete geek immediately. Thus, I was condemned to a life of incomprehensible toil as a programmer. Fortunately, I decided that drumming keyboards was not my fate, and faithless and jobless, I opted for a life of relaxation as provided by working in the BPO industry for 4 years. Unfortunately, and disastrously, I became good at it and enjoyed the improved lifestyle of idleness as a trainer in the same company JAt a young age, I developed pathetically bad eyesight. I could not get into the Air Force because I was legally blind, which is slightly better off than being legally blond, I guess. I am into reading Science Fiction, seeing movies (have a mighty big collection) and have recently developed “Rock Neck Syndrome” by nodding too long at a metal concert. I have a weird sense of “humor”. I am also into selling bridges - if you send me enough money, I would sell you one.

I want to be more honest with myself. I want my mind to stop believing that I look anything like Keanu Reeves, I have Stallone’s muscles and most of all, Stephen Hawking’s mind.

I wanna have dinner with the Wachowski brothers and my entire family (as one person, if that’s possible)

My idea of happiness is one day live in the house that I will build on an Island surrounded by native trees and swimming in the sea every day, oh.. And a lot of loud metal music.

2005-12-29T18:22:00.000+05:30

Life in the last month has been tiring and hectic. But hey, I will be the last chap to complaint. At least I am getting paid for (and really well) for work that I like to do.

On to other things - The Band with No Name played on the 18th at this pub called Level in Central Court. A fun time was had by all. The band sounded crisp right from note one and the audience had a really great time.

I got to sing 3 songs only due to lack of time. Sang "Man Who Sold The World", "Wonderful Tonight" and "Sultans of Swing". People say that we rocked, and I believe we did. All those practice sessions finally paid off. My first live gig in 6, yes 6, years. It was very gratifying.

I hope to be more regular with my postings here. I have no idea how to put up pics and stuff, but I will ask around :)

Until then, adios amigos and amigas!!

2005-10-17T10:11:00.000+05:30

Finally doing something I thought of doing a long time ago... Posting my article which was at one time posted on the official site of the Matrix movies. Let me know what you think...

And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away.
Revelation 21:4, King James Bible

Did you know that the First Matrix was designed to be a perfect human world, where none suffered, where everyone would be happy? It was a disaster.
Agent Smith, to Morpheus

Cypher chooses the Matrix, and just maybe, he’s not so crazy. If real life prospects are dim, then even an apparently sub-optimal alternative like the Matrix might in fact be better, all things considered.1 But what is the best sort of existence for individuals like you and me? Philosophy and religion both have attempted to answer this question, and I think The Matrix gives us an interesting way to frame it. Is some possible "real" existence better than any possible Matrix? Or is some possible Matrix better than any possible reality? With Mark Twain’s help, I shall present an argument that one important notion of the best existence, the Christian one, Heaven is after all a Matrix. The point of my polemical approach is not so much to criticize Christianity, but rather to bring the issue of the nature of ultimate value into sharper focus.

What is the Matrix? Morpheus tells Neo it’s a "computer-generated dreamworld," and a "neural, interactive simulation"; it is, in other words, a virtual environment.2 Agent Smith assures Cypher that he won’t know he’s in the Matrix when he returns permanently, and it will simplify exposition to suppose that this is a necessary feature of a Matrix, while being computer-generated is not. The Matrix depicted is a mixed case, since the cognoscenti can enter it without being deceived into thinking it is real. Let us stipulate that in a pure Matrix, everyone is benighted, believing it is the "real deal." In most of what follows, I’ll be concentrating on pure Matrices (and in the case of the Matrix depicted, on the condition of the benighted). Since we’ll be discussing different kinds of Matrix, we need a name for the one depicted in The Matrix; Agent Smith refers to a First Matrix, so let’s call the one we see the Second Matrix.

A Matrix, then, is an interactive virtual environment involving systematic global deception. Still, there are two levels of "interactivity" in a virtual environment. Virtual interactivity is the extent to which the environment allows, and responds to, your input. Current virtual environments are not very interactive in this sense, but the Second Matrix is. That’s what makes it seem so real, at least to the benighted. (For the cognoscenti the Second Matrix it is too virtually interactive, too controllable, to seem real—at least compared with the more law-like external world.) Real interactivity is the potential for interaction with others also engaged in virtual interaction, and real interaction is the extent to which this potential is realized. Compare two kinds of possible Matrix: the Second Matrix is communal, featuring real interaction between human beings—call this human interaction; a solitary Matrix lacks human interaction altogether.

Communal Matrices differ in degree of human interaction. In the Second Matrix, billions of humans share the environment, and if we ignore Agents, it is fully communal—every virtual human in the Matrix is an avatar, a virtual persona of a real human being. In the Matrix training program created by Mouse, on the other hand, virtual humans like the woman in the red dress are simulacra, not avatars, and human interaction during the sequence we see is limited to that between Neo and Morpheus.3 On yet another hand, the fully communal Construct (loading program), where Morpheus and Neo watch TV, has no other virtual humans in it to interact with—and unlike the training program, it’s not "big" enough to be very world-like. Call a fully communal Matrix that is big enough to be world-like, and has many human participants, so that human interaction is nearly inevitable, a teeming Matrix. (The Second Matrix is all but teeming. If we removed the cognoscenti, there would be no need for Agents, and it would be teeming.)

Now we can compare three possibilities (obviously not exhaustive) for human existence, assuming that it involves physical embodiment. One is the real deal, populated by other human beings: for instance, if you subjectively experience having sexual intercourse with another human being, another individual human being shares that intercourse, from another subjective point of view, because you really have physical, sexual intercourse with them. The same goes for non-sexual intercourse. If I were to meet Mark Twain (through the time travel he wrote about, perhaps), then Twain and I both would have an experience of meeting, and we really would meet, physically and psychologically. Two is a teeming Matrix: if you experience having (intraspecies!) sexual intercourse, another Matrix-bound human shares that intercourse, from another subjective point of view. There’s no physical intercourse, of course, but there is psychological intercourse. If I have the experience of meeting Twain, then he (or some other human being) has the experience of meeting me-meeting-Twain, and there is at least a meeting of minds. Three is an apparently teeming, solitary Matrix: if you experience having sexual intercourse, no other human is having an interactive sexual experience with you—it is like taking up Mouse’s invitation to enjoy the woman in the red dress, except that you won’t know "she" is a simulacrum. If I experience meeting Twain, then there is no intercourse with another human being, and neither Twain nor any other human being need have the experience of meeting me-meeting-Twain.

Our ordinary intuition is that there’s something valuable about the real deal that is missing in a Matrix. Consider your present situation. You are either right now in a Matrix, thinking that it’s a certain time and place when it really isn’t, that a certain sequence of physical events is occurring when it really isn’t, and so on; or you aren’t, and it really is that time and place, and so on. Most of us hope we are not in a Matrix right now, which shows that, other things being equal (that is, where the experiences are identical in subjective character), we prefer the real deal. My hunch is that you also hope that, if your present existence is not the real deal, it’s at least participation in a teeming Matrix. Being in the real deal has two distinct features of apparent value: your beliefs are more connected to the truth, and you really interact with other human beings. A teeming Matrix has less connection with truth than the real deal, but has more than a solitary Matrix, and it still provides substantial interaction with other human beings.4 In the case of sex, there’s a good sense in which you really did have sex with that other person, though in ignorance of the whole truth.5

If connection with truth matters so much to us, why not have the best of both kinds of existence—why not have a virtual environment, without all the deception? Cypher can (and does) go back temporarily into the Matrix, knowing what it is, and retain that knowledge while he is in there. But for his permanent stay he chooses ignorance instead, because "Ignorance is bliss." Presumably, the knowledge that he is not in the real deal would undermine his capacity to enjoy the experiences, so he can’t have the best of both worlds.6 Intuitively, Cypher is no different from the rest of us in this regard. For a typical man, the experience of sexual intercourse with the woman in the red dress is likely to be much more satisfying if he thinks it is the real deal. Which brings us to the First Matrix.

1. What is the First Matrix?

Agent Smith’s remark in the epigraph suggests that the First Matrix was, like the Second, more or less teeming.7 Agent Smith says about the "disaster":

Some believe that we lacked the programming language to describe your perfect world, but I believe that, as a species, human beings define their reality through misery and suffering. The perfect world was a dream that your primitive cerebrum kept trying to wake up from.

The first suggestion is fascinating. Given the deadpan delivery, it is hard to say whether it posits a deficiency in the machines that designed the Matrix, or in us—in our notion of a perfect world. On the other hand, Agent Smith’s own thesis seems connected with a tradition of human thought concerning the theistic problem of evil. If a perfectly good God exists, why does evil exist? Why is the world full of sharp corners and other hazards? A standard answer is that evil is necessary—it must exist in order for certain goods to exist. For instance, it is often claimed that happiness requires suffering, though this is disputable. Even if creatures like us can’t be maximally happy, this is a reason for not creating us at all, and creating more felicitously instead. And does our happiness require so much suffering? Looking deeper, it seems clear that virtues like courage and generosity indeed require the existence of suffering. But vices such as cowardice and cruelty couldn’t exist without suffering, either—are they necessary evils, too?

The most defensible theist answer to this question is a very subtle No, But— : God had a choice between creating a world with free beings in it, or not. This choice is easy, since free will is a surpassing good. But given libertarian free will, which requires causal indeterminism, God could not know without creating the world exactly which possible world would result.8 God might have gotten lucky, and created a world in which all free beings had only virtues, and no vices. But this is incredibly unlikely, as is a purely vicious world, and it’s no surprise that He got a mixed world, with most humans having virtues and vices. The picture that emerges is that a world with human beings in it is a world with sharp corners (natural evil) to provide genuine free choice, and so very likely contains sin (moral evil) as well. Call this the Free Will Theodicy. Its assumption that free will is libertarian free will—requiring causal indeterminism—is Christian orthodoxy, so I grant it for the sake of the argument.

Filling in the details of the theodicy, focus on the will itself. Our actions are ultimately explained by what we want, most especially by our non-derived desires.9 In a world of sharp corners, not all these desires can be satisfied. Indeed, there often will be conflicts between individuals in what they desire—one person getting what they want means that another doesn’t. (Presumably, God could not arrange a concordance of wills—substituting for conflicting desires, or deleting them altogether—without eliminating free will.) Indeed, the existence of other human beings in the world is part of the "sharp corners"—a source of suffering— in addition to being a source of moral evil. And not just because others are in competition with you for resources—sometimes others are the resource, as the sexual intercourse example shows. If you badly want sex with another person and they badly don’t want it with you, then someone is going to suffer.

If the Free Will Theodicy is correct, then God can only control the non-human environment. Each human being is a part of the environment of every other human being, so as soon as you put more than one creature with libertarian free will into the mix there will, absent astonishing coincidence, be tears. You can minimize the effect human beings have on each other, but only by minimizing their interaction (say, by putting each on a separate planet). Even then, as long as human beings desire interaction (as a means to things we want, such as to procreate, and perhaps even for its own sake), mere isolation won’t solve the problem.

The creators of the First Matrix tried to produce a relatively good existence for Matrix-bound humans. (We needn’t suppose the machines were benevolent; perhaps the bioelectric-to-fusion reaction process is more efficient the happier humans are.) In doing so, the machine creators had some of God’s problems. They presumably lacked some of God’s creative abilities, but they also had fewer constraints, since God is supposed to be no deceiver.10 Why was the First Matrix a disaster? If the machines were trying to produce an existence with no human suffering, then perhaps they tried the wrong design: a teeming Matrix populated with otherwise typical human beings. Even if the machines removed a lot of sharp corners (no volcanic-eruption, or man-eating-shark experiences), as long as there is interaction with other human beings plugged into the same virtual environment, someone is going to suffer, as the example of sexual intercourse demonstrates. This attempt would not produce a Matrix where "none suffered," and the suggestion fits badly with Agent Smith’s remark, "No one would accept the programming." Let’s discard it.

Which leaves two basic choices: the machines either substantially altered the nature of human beings in the First Matrix (say by arranging a concordance of wills), or else they created a solitary Matrix for each human being. The advantage of a solitary Matrix is that the virtual environment can be completely tailored to an individual’s desires—perhaps the Matrix "reads off" the content of desires from his brain, anticipating a little, matching its programming as far as possible to the satisfaction of his desires as they develop and change.

Perhaps a battery of solitary Matrices was beyond the machines’ practical resources, but let’s suppose not—clearly it’s in principle possible for them to have done things this way. However, if Christians are correct, and our wills are in fact undetermined, then our desires cannot be fully anticipated. There is bound to be a gap between the evolution of our desires, and the Matrix’s capacity to satisfy them; hence some suffering is inevitable. This would partly explain Agent Smith’s remark, but once again would not explain why "No one would accept the programming."

We are left with two possible explanations of the remark: either humans by their nature could not be successfully altered through programming; or else unaltered humans were psychologically incapable of accepting the relevant virtual environment. The latter seems to be Agent Smith’s thesis: the "perfect world" was just too good to be true, and literally incredible.11 Are we human beings simply incapable of having a happy existence, with no suffering? Not on the standard Christian view, according to which just such an existence awaits us in Heaven.

II. What is Heaven?

The Christian notion of Heaven is far from a settled body of doctrine. (For instance, are there literally streets paved with gold, or is this just a metaphor for some barely imaginable, wonderful state of affairs?) Nevertheless, it has been asserted with some authority that the human condition in Heaven will be very different from that here and now. It is agreed that there is no suffering (see the epigraph), not to mention "exceeding joy," (an expression which occurs four times in the King James Bible), but what exactly will we do there? Some of the common claims about this can seem puzzling. In Letters from the Earth, Mark Twain has the banished Satan report to his fellow angels on the beliefs of mortal Man:

For instance, take this sample: he has imagined a heaven, and has left entirely out of it the supremest of all his delights, the one ecstasy that stands first and foremost in the heart of every individual of his race — and of ours —sexual intercourse! …

His heaven is like himself: strange, interesting, astonishing, grotesque. I give you my word, it has not a single feature in it that he actually values. It consists — utterly and entirely — of diversions which he cares next to nothing about, here in the earth, yet is quite sure he will like them in heaven. Isn't it curious? Isn't it interesting? You must not think I am exaggerating, for it is not so. I will give you details.

Most men do not sing, most men cannot sing, most men will not stay when others are singing if it be continued more than two hours… In man’s heaven, everybody sings! The man who did not sing on earth sings there; the man who could not sing on earth is able to do it there. The universal singing is not casual, not occasional, not relieved by intervals of quiet; it goes on, all day long, and every day, during a stretch of twelve hours. And everybody stays; whereas in the earth the place would be empty in two hours…

Satan’s list is long, and frequently amusing:

I recall to your attention the extraordinary fact with which I began. To wit, that the human being, like the immortals, naturally places sexual intercourse far and away above all other joys — yet he has left it out of his heaven! The very thought of it excites him; opportunity sets him wild; in this state he will risk life, reputation, everything – even his queer heaven itself — to make good that opportunity and ride it to the overwhelming climax. From youth to middle age all men and all women prize copulation above all other pleasures combined, yet it is actually as I have said: it is not in their heaven; prayer takes its place.

His main observations we can summarize as: (i) Man thinks he will be blissfully happy in Heaven; (ii) no activity that Man finds blissful on Earth will he pursue in Heaven; (iii) the activities that Man thinks he will pursue in Heaven are ones he avoids whenever possible, here on Earth. Call this appearance of inconsistent values, Twain’s Puzzle. In Mouse’s terms, it seems that we think we will be happiest denying our own impulses. Satan somewhat overstates the puzzle when he writes that Heaven "has not a single feature in it that [Man] actually values." Man thinks that in Heaven he will still value joy and disvalue suffering, for instance. Satan’s point is that Man appears to think that his desires will be radically different in Heaven: he will desperately want the things that he does not want at all now, and not want at all the things that he desperately wants now.

Does Man think his will is going to be different in Heaven? That depends. Psychological hedonism is the view that there are really only two non-derived human desires: to obtain pleasure and avoid suffering. If this were true, then Man’s will does not change if he merely changes his beliefs about what it is that will bring him pleasure and avoid pain. If psychological hedonism isn’t true (and Christians seem—wisely—to think it isn’t true), then a case can be made that (according to Satan, anyway) Man expects his will to be altered in Heaven.

Contrary to Satan, it can be argued that at least where sex is concerned, the Christian view is that such impulses ought to be denied, and the relentless pursuit of gratification is, in a Christian, a matter of weakness of will, not in its constitution. It might be further claimed that giving in to such impulses actually causes you suffering. This makes some sense in the case of, say, a married man tempted to adultery, whose guilt may prevent him from full enjoyment. Suppose that in Heaven, since there is no marriage (so says Jesus, see for instance Matthew 22:30), there is really no one psychologically "safe" to have sexual intercourse with, and you would inevitably feel guilty about engaging in it. Then the elimination of suffering requires the elimination of sex. (Of course, Satan and Mouse would no doubt respond, with some justification, that this is all premised on the belief that sex outside marriage is something bad in and of itself, a notion you happily will be disabused of in Heaven. But the question is what the typical Christian believes, whether it is true or not.)

Leaving aside what you would do there, believers in Christian Heaven commonly hold the following four theses about it:

(1) It’s possible for a human being to be in Heaven. More precisely, if all goes well it will be you that survives bodily death and goes to Heaven.
(2) Human beings in Heaven will experience happiness, but no unhappiness.
(3) Human beings in Heaven possess free will.
(4) Human beings in Heaven interact with other human beings in Heaven.

It’s worth expanding on (1). Christians standardly expect to recognize their loved ones in Heaven, which presumably requires remembering them.12 So it seems that they expect considerable psychological continuity between their Earthly and Heavenly existences—perhaps this is even guaranteed by the requirement that God be no deceiver. But such psychological continuity sits uncomfortably with (2). Christians on Earth are typically saddened by the fact that unbelievers will not get into Heaven. It seems that, if anything, they would be sadder still, when confronted by the wonders of Heaven, knowing that the unsaved are residing instead in "the lake which burneth with fire and brimstone." And it would seem to be cause for special anguish if one of your loved ones is absent from Heaven. (Another version of the problem arises with missing your loved ones—being sad, not for them, but for yourself, that they are not around. Even if you don’t miss sex with your Earthly spouse, it seems you would miss them.)

Heaven is also widely supposed to provide an opportunity to meet human beings you never knew on Earth. But if I’m in Heaven, and I really want to meet Twain, then I will be sadly disappointed if he isn’t there (and angry, if it’s all on account of those Letters). Moreover, certain truths will presumably be available to you in Heaven. Suppose that Mother Theresa is your idol, and you can’t wait to tell her so. However, you find out she’s not really a saint—indeed—quite the opposite, and not in Heaven at all. You may be upset not only for your own sake, but for the sake of humanity (you may respond with a quite cynical attitude toward human nature). Heaven seems on the face of it to provide many opportunities for suffering.

There are three basic ways around this sort of problem. First, suppose universalism—the doctrine that everyone gets into Heaven—is true. This will solve the problem only if, upon entering Heaven, Christians no longer believe that there ought to be any qualification for it (else they likely will be annoyed that others got a "free pass," especially a holier-than-thou like Mother Theresa). Second, God could suppress the knowledge that others are not in Heaven. But this requires Matrix-like deception (either to provide the appropriate virtual interaction with non-avatars, or else to just delete all memory of the missing), and Heaven would not be the real deal. Third, perhaps what we care about—our desires—will change, so that good Christians no longer will mind the fact that others—even loved ones—are suffering (they might even take pleasure in it). But to accept this raises an acute version of Twain’s Puzzle.

All in all, it may be better to revise (2) to:

(2*) Human beings in Heaven will be as happy as they can possibly be.

We may thus grant that it’s not possible for all suffering to be absent in Heaven—though this requires taking Revelation less literally than many Christians do.

(4) is taken completely for granted, as far as I can tell. Part of the point of Heaven is to be reunited with (saved) loved ones, and to engage in "fellowship" with the other inhabitants. But what of (3)? According to the Free Will Theodicy, free will is a surpassing good, so on the face of it, Heaven must include free will. Yet Heaven is a place without sin. And according to the Free Will Theodicy, sin is to be explained by the presence of free will in the world. To deny (3) also raises Twain’s puzzle. We believe we now have libertarian free will, strongly desire it now, and are devastated at the thought of losing it. If God is no deceiver, then if (3) is false, we would in Heaven know that we have no free will. Yet, presumably, we would not mind—be blissful, yet not ignorant.

Like the builders of the First Matrix, God has two main choices in creating a Heaven for human beings: either substantially alter the nature of human beings in Heaven (say by arranging a concordance of wills, contrary to (3), and perhaps even contrary to (1)), or else put each human in a solitary Matrix, contrary to (4). One advantage for denying (4) is that (2) has the best chance of being true, as long as the solitary Matrix provides plenty of (virtual) interaction with virtual humans. Those in such a solitary Matrix will think they are in the real deal. They’ll think they are in Heaven, along with everyone that they want to be there, and nobody that they don’t want there. They will think they get along with along with everyone else just fine; that there’s no sadness, no sin, and so on. God knows what they freely want, and tailors each virtual environment to provide exactly that, if possible. (If it’s not possible, because they freely want to be in the real deal, this lack is not experienced, and so is not a source of suffering.)

Just as it did with the First Matrix, libertarianism raises a difficulty, since you might think that God could not know what you want, when this is undetermined. Some medieval Christians resolved the problem of the compatibility of free will with God’s foreknowledge by supposing that changeless, omnipresent God knows the (causally undetermined) future by, so to speak, already having been present then, and having seen what happens. God knows what you do because you do it, and not vice versa, hence you may do it freely. The same resolution can be applied here, as long as time exists in Heaven: God knows what you will want before you want it, by having been in the future and (so to speak) looking into your mind then.13

Can (3) and (4) both be maintained, given (1) and (2*)? There is logical space for this possibility. (3) can be true, and yet there be no sin in Heaven, if Heaven is like the lucky roll of the creation die: the world where free beings always choose rightly. In Heaven, everyone will be free to sin, but just doesn’t. The immediate problem with this suggestion is that it seems incredible that such a coincidence will actually obtain. Perhaps we can appeal to a difference between this situation and that of creation: God has a chance to observe the behavior of free individuals, and only admits the deserving—those who actually don’t sin while on Earth. But this would get hardly anyone into Heaven. Worse, it seems to give inductive support, but no guarantee at all, that unblemished individuals won’t sin ever in the eternity they spend in Heaven.

It is standardly claimed that all are free to sin in Heaven, but none do, because they are in some sense incapable of doing so; no one can sin when they are at last with God. This raises two distinct problems. The first is that any such incapability seems incompatible with libertarian freedom, rendering (3) false after all. The second is that, if there is no incompatibility between human beings having libertarian free will and being incapable of sin, then the Free Will Theodicy seems to collapse. God could have just created Heaven and be done with it, a creation with all of the benefits and none of the disadvantages.

In addition to the problem of sin, we might wonder how it can be managed that free human beings, all interacting with each other, have no desires in conflict. As Satan observed, it must be that our desires change radically. But what ensures this? If it is inevitable that they change in this way, then libertarian freedom is again threatened. And if we are somehow free anyway, when our desires are radically altered, then why didn’t God just turn this trick to begin with, and spare all the lost souls? Perhaps we should also consider Mouse’s point. If our desires change too radically, will we still be human beings, as (1) would have it?

III. Conclusion

Perhaps both explanations of the failure of the First Matrix are correct. Recall the suggestion that machines could not program our "perfect world." Perhaps our thinking is incoherent: we think that the best existence is one where human beings interact with each other and everyone has libertarian free will and nobody suffers and that someone knowingly arranges this. If this is an incoherent notion, not even God can actualize it.

In creating the Second Matrix, the machines went for interaction combined with free will (which we are assuming is libertarian), with the overwhelming likelihood (inevitability, in practice) of suffering. We can now explain Agent Smith’s remarks: if we rank the elements of our incoherent notion of the best existence, human interaction and libertarian free will rank above the absence of suffering. And since they jointly require (almost by definition) the presence of suffering, it can be said more or less truly that we "define [even the best] reality through misery and suffering." The First Matrix was an attempt to give interacting humans an existence free of suffering, but this program required a radical revision in their wills, contrary to libertarian free will, and so "no one would accept the program." Mouse might say it was an attempt to deny the very nature of human beings.

If the real deal includes libertarian free will, then so does the Second Matrix—our desires, though often enough unsatisfied, will be after all undetermined. (The sense in which humans are liberated from the Matrix has nothing to do with libertarian free will, which can be enjoyed behind bars.) The Second Matrix also features substantial variation in wills amongst its human inhabitants, and the interesting ethical choices that arise when this is so. For example, apart from the Agents, each virtual human is an avatar, and the "good guys" in the movie end up killing a lot of human beings in their fight against the Agents. It’s hard to view these human beings as collaborators, given the nature of the Matrix, so their deaths presumably are to be regarded as acceptable collateral damage, inevitable given the difference in desired outcome. All in all, the Second Matrix is the machines’ best attempt at matching what Christians believe God did for us through creation. 14

When we humans turn our eyes toward Heaven, our ranking of values seems to change, and Twain’s Puzzle arises anew. In Heaven, there is a heavier weighting given to the absence of suffering. God can knowingly minimize suffering in a real deal, while retaining human interaction, but at the cost of libertarian free will. But given that Heaven is supposed to involve no suffering at all, and given the surpassing value of libertarian free will in the Christian view of things, God’s choice is clear: Heaven is a solitary Matrix.15 The machines, not being God, did not know that Heaven is no other people. Never the twain—Twain and I—shall meet (in Heaven, anyway—there’s always the lake, I suppose.)

A relative of Twain’s puzzle emerges. We when consider a pre-Heaven existence, we seem to prefer the best real deal to the best Matrix. When thinking about Heaven, we seem to prefer the best Matrix to the best real deal. This schism in our thinking is represented by the two competing visions in The Matrix: on the one hand is the Matrix, and on the other is Zion—named ironically, if I am right, for God’s Holy City in Heaven—the place in the bowels of the Earth where human beings not in the Matrix dwell.

2005-10-01T11:36:00.000+05:30

Had quite a nice time at the quarterly offsite yesterday. Everyone was very happy with the arrangements we had made.

All of the guys from the team especially liked the sweatshirts we had designed. It actually IS very nice. Keeps you quite warm as well. The guys from the other teams seemed to be very jealous because they had got nothing of this sort.

Well, all the guys had a blast at Pragati Resorts. The setting was spectacular and it was fun all the way. The guys followed Matt and I into the pool. Some of the girls took some persuading, but eventually did jump in.

All this was followed by some Table Tennis and Pool and then by some dancing to some very good music. We eventually made our way home by around 10.30. Let's see what the soulmates have to say on tuesday.

Later...

2005-09-29T20:39:00.000+05:30

Hmmm...

A fairly successful week, music-wise. Persuaded Dad to get one of those MP3-Flash Drive thingies... Mammoth capacity of 1 GB should make it nice enough to sleep with :-)

Did not go to work yesterday as was not feeling well. By the evening, when I looked into the mirror, I felt "yuck". I decided that I needed to change the way I look. Made my way to the friendly neighborhood barber and got my hair cut really short.

The response was encouraging today, most of them did not seem to mind it. Phew!!!

Tomorrow is gonna be the team Q3 Team Offsite, hope it's gonna be rockin'..

Later...

2005-09-26T19:07:00.000+05:30

Looking for a place to voice my opinion, I found it in the unlikeliest of places - Maya's band. You cannot imagine the sensation of deep satisfaction that courses down your spine when you hear a song come together and sound grrrrrrrrreat.

I get this feeling every sunday evening when the band practices. We played covers of Led Zeppelin, Pink Floyd, Chris Rea, Clapton and of course, Metallica :-)

Boy, its gonna be an awesome show when it finally happens...