Overrated

I dont mind being ridiculed
Just to feel miniscule
If you consider it pitiful
You dont know a thing about me

Not trying to figure out
A better answer
Keep finding all the problems
I've been looking after

I abstained my part
Vision's all but shot
I have a confession
Must go for all the lessons

My skin, I paint with pain
Guess I dont care any more
My eyes turn from blue to brown
Its the end of everything

Flaws - only thing left that's pure
Everything I see reminds me of her
What the hell am I doing?
Am I wrong, fucked, and overrated?

The war of the youth, inside themselves and against everyone!

YOUth

Denying the source
disconnected and sore
The choice is there
but our eyes are blind

Now what can be done?
We stand alone
Something inside us
tells us something is wrong

Fighting alone,
exhausted and torn
This time it's for real
but our will is weak

What if we fail,
no one will stay
Put out the light,
wave of anxiety we ride

Afraid of struggle and pain
Easier to sit down and wait
Ignorance is killing youth
Can't you see what I mean?

THE FRIDAY RITUAL

I have never been too good at writing in prose, have never been able to do much more than reviews and stuff. In fact, this might be the first time I am writing in this form. I just wanted to share some times that I will remember for the rest of my life.

It was about 3 years ago when I was working with my previous company. I had a lot of friends but very few who were REAL friends (and that STILL is the case.) So I ask you to imagine a friday night that was really dark and soaking wet, yet not very cold. In fact, it was hot and humid.

A couple of my friend and I were wondering how we were to spend this night. More precisely, where the hell were we going to get some booze. Since I was living alone then, I suggested we grab some booze and hang at my place watching DVDs on my 29" TV. The both of them immediately agreed and thus started what we called, and soon the entire company came to know, as "The Friday Ritual".

Now, make no mistake, this wasn't just a forum for us to get drunk and talk piss. We, and in specific, one friend and I, had arguements about work, love, family, marriage, social causes, global warming, cricket, sports, outer space, atheism, extra terrestrial life, computers, robotics, music, movies, culture, art and almost everything else under the sky. It came from the fact that neither one of us wanted to lose an arguement. It was a different matter that I was always the winner with my carefully structured method of persuasion using solid facts as support :-) . But my friend never graciously accepted defeat, in fact, he sulked in a corner nursing his drink, failing to find a verbose answer to my facts. And in the very few instances that I lost, I simply refused to accept it and continued to make half-assed attempts at continuing the arguement.

Check my friend's blog for an apt example: http://karthikinblogs.blogspot.com

This routine of ours continued for months together, so much so that we knew what kind of reply the other one would come up with enough before the other had thought of it. That kind of understanding between friends takes a lifetime to acheive, yet we were there within a couple of months.

Now you might think that this must have led to some kind of animosity between the two of us, but instead what it did was generate a gesture of friendship towards each other. Never until then did I have a friend who would not submit and never until then did he have a friend who could argue just for the pleasure of it. We were poles apart, yet closer than brothers.

Then, the cruelest of all maidens, time, played her hand. I had to move to greener pastures and so did he. We bid adieu and solemnly made a promise to each other that this would not be the end of our friendship or our "Friday rituals".

To this day, he and I continue to meet at least once a month and try to catch up. And we dont catch up because we want to talk about things that are really important. I want to catch up because with this person, I feel free. I have no inhibitions, no sense of fear or judgement. This person makes me feel at home. He is what people might call a "best friend", but actually, he is more than that to me. He is the one person who has the right to scold me, berate me, chide me... Something that no one else in the world has. And that's what a real friend is meant for. To push your chin up when times are bad and to clink your glass when the going is good...

Cheers to all people who have friends like this, I really hope you do.

Goddamit... The most fucked up week ever, personally...

DiReCtIoN

I've known faces
That have disappeared in time
Find me wrapped in glass
Now slowly soaked in time

All people have faces
made to make you cry
I've seen this and wondered
What I've done to justify

I'm smeared across the room
And doused in blood
You wore me like a stain
Yet I'm the one who's obscene

No attention to your
Simple little indiscretions
I have no right to win
Just caught up in all the battles

The end of my end
It simplifies my means
All I ever do is pay for
My every attempt to evade

I can't handle anything
If i can't handle you
Either way it better be
No one better ever pity me

Caught up in all my
Fuckin' bastardly directions
I've got all time to lose
Don't YOU fucking pity me

Caught up with an old favorite today... A heartfelt song from a father to his kid... Aaron Lewis of Staind wrote this song for his daughter, Zoe Jane, who was born after a lot of difficulty...If I ever have a daughter, this is one song that would definitely sing to her.. Come to think of it, this song would apply to anyone.. Or maybe not.. read on. And if you like the words, just ask me for the song.

Zoe Jane - Staind

Well I want you to notice
To notice when I'm not around
And I know that your eyes see straight through me
And speak to me without a sound

I want to hold you
Protect you from all of the things I've already endured
I want to show you
Show you all of the things that this life has in store for you
I'll always love you
The way that a father should love his daughter

When I walked out this morning
I cried as I walked to the door
I cried about how long I'd be away for
I cried about leaving you all alone

I want to hold you
Protect you from all of the things I've already endured
I want to show you
Show you all of the things that this life has in store for you
I'll always love you
The way that a father should love his daughter

Sweet Zoe Jane....
Sweet Zoe Jane.....

So I wanted to say this
Cuz I wouldn't know where to begin
To explain to you what I have been through
To explain where your daddy has been

I want to hold you
Protect you from all of the things I've already endured
I want to show you
Show you all of the things that this life has in store for you
I'll always love you
The way that a father should love his daughter

Sweet Zoe Jane......
Sweet Zoe Jane.......

Finally... Got time for one...

"You'll never see me crying"

A lesson learned in life
Known from the dawn of time
What it takes, who I am, where Ive been
You cant be something youre not

I cry to weak friends that sympathize
Those same friends tell me your every word
And you call yourself a friend
Ive got no friends like you

Take your hate shelve my pride
Anything to free your mind
Sorry it doesnt live here anymore
You know just exactly what its for

Your love was all I ever had
That’s the way my heart was broke
And now it’s changed and it seems
You’ll never ever see me crying

Now I watch the falling rain
All my mind can see now is your face
Like the birth of a new found joy,
This love would not end in rage

Current mood : Oscillating between Black and Grey

Comfort your cries no longer
No one to pick you up
When you fall down
We who watch and feel your pain

I won't allow those around
Me to poison my judgment
I know, what is best
I am able to decide what is destiny

You don't get it,
You won't forget
So you're better off
Just leave it alone

If you don't stop thinking
Soon you will be drinking
And you're better off
Just staying at home

Presenting a song that has been haunting me for the past few days. The kid in the song is exactly what I was around 7-8 years ago.

FORT MINOR

"Slip Out The Back"

You know me, I used to get caught up in everyday life
Tried to make it through my day so i could sleep at night
Tried to figure out my way through the maze
Of rights and wrongs, but like you used to say
Nothing feels like it's really worth it
Forget perfect, i'm trying not to be worthless
Since i last saw you i been lookin for a purpose
Well i met this kid who thought like i did
He had a weird way of lookin at it
This is what he said

Slip out the back before they know you were there
And at the worst you'll see nobody cares
Cos you dont wana be around when it all goes down
Even heroes know when to be scared
Slip out the back before they know you were there
And at the worst you'll see nobody cares
Cos you dont wana be around when it all goes down
Even heroes know when to be scared

I dont remember where i met him or remember his name
But he walked funny like he was too big for his frame
Just over five foot but he weighed a buck fifty
And what he said just seemed so right it stuck with me
Listen its like poker you can play your best
But you got to know when to fold your cards and take a rest
And know when to hold your cards and hold your breath
And hope that nobody else is stacking the deck because
I dont need to tell you that life isnt fair, it doesnt care
It arbitrarily cuts off your air,
and like you i want someone to say its okay
But in the truest parts of our hearts everybody's afraid
But just underappreciated and overwhelmed
Fighting so hard to hide our fear that we're scaring ourselves
You understand when im saying that you always did
But its different in the words of a cowardly kid

I'm no hero, you remember how i was, you know
All I ever did was worry, feeling out of control
To the point where everything was going end over end
Im spinning around in circles again
This is where you come in
All of this to explain to you why
I had to separate myself away from yesterday's life
Please remember this isn't how i hoped it would be
But i had to protect you from me
Thats why i slipped out the back before you knew i was there
I know you felt unprepared
But every single time i was around i just bring you down
And i could tell that it was time to be scared
Thats why i slipped out the back before you knew i was there
And i know the way i left wasnt fair
I didnt want to be around just to bring you down
Im not a hero but dont think i didnt care

Selected verses from the song "The Channel"... When in a really fucked up mood, I tend to listen to such crap...

I hate all the people
That try to fuck you for your game
I don't like my childhood
I do not need someone else to blame

I don't like being paranoid
I don't like that I'm breeding again
but I accept all these cards I've been dealt
And just be without all the fucking friends

Who gives a fuck about what I like
who gives a fuck about who listens
as long as I'm here
as long as you know you can keep me here

for whenever you get lost
or you need an excuse to coverup your intentions
you hate that I express how I'm feeling
you hate that you relate to this shit

you hate that I'm a tick
you're finding hard to forget!
This is the channel I'm dialed into
I already know you, are dialed in too

Sorry

Feeling so ashamed,
I'll take all the blame,
All my life I've been so confused,
Its all my fault, but I wont say

Maybe when I leave
I'll lead a life less empty
Maybe we were waiting way too long
To start this lifelong story

I'll accept not half
Of all these consequences
Maybe then that's when
I'll finally mean when I say I'm sorry

Today I look at your notes
I see your fear and I worry
What I could do to help myself
And sorry is not the hardest word anymore

Rise
All these thoughts that capture me
They won't let me take control
I've got to rise above my life.
To find the reason I'm alive.

I'll save myself,
I'm all alone.
I've opened my heart
To see there's nobody home.

It's up to me,
I'm on my own.
The message of life is turning
Facing the storm.

My Life is filled with your memory.
You were deep within my heart.
You were deep inside of me.
And all this pain that I'm wrapped around.

If there's a heaven up above,
I see the angels falling down
Life is like a distress call,
wail deep within my soul, cry deep within me
_________________________________________

You

You lost all faith in promises
And in real love closing in
Tired of deciphering
Your wayward mind's strands of truth

Puzzled by the trappings
Your words make the edges blur
Standing on the outskirts
Of sincerity and pride

The ends of your conditioning
To swallow, and force to like it
Choose to keep me in the dark
Than look me in the eye

There's something in the words I hear
That makes me want to take a stand
You think its gone on too long
I would have chosen to disengage

So what if healing takes forever
so what if time is meant for others
so what is left is but to shatter
Can't what is broken be whole?

Silence

Silence is reeling in my head
I dont want to remember this
But it must be what I miss
Suddenly I find I’m standing still
Staring at the ground, waiting for a sound
The voice of loss is sighing through the night
And as I turn around, nothing's to be found
For hours now upon this endless road
Is it taking me where I long to be?

Serendipity??

You leave your feelings out there hanging
Just don’t know what I will do
It always will be the same old story
This kind of love could never be true

What in the world has come over you
Should I hold you close or let you go by
Just fed up, tired and lonely
Wanting to run away and hide

I was riding, trying to get to heaven
Down the road to nowhere
Just standing in the doorway crying
Until my eyes begin to bleed

People say that I stare a lot. But how do you appreciate beauty with just a glance? Is it possible to drink it all in a sip? How can you just take one look and be done with? I call this "Stalker"

Don't look her closely in the eye,
What side of the glass you are on?
The safety of the life you have built,
Everything where it belongs

What if all the world you know,
Was just an expansive dream?
If you look at the reflection,
Find yourself afraid to see

And you're really all alone
You can live in this illusion,
You can choose to believe.
Is it all you want it to be?

We're in this together now
None of us can stop us now
When all our hope is gone
And all that we were is gone

Under the rust of time
Feelings don't disappear
I cant help but stare
Because you are still right there

Its been a long time since my last post, but I have been really busy and have not had any time at all. Today's posting takes me back to what is regarded as the turning point in Metallica's journey in metal - The Black Album. The album marked their entry into the mainstream, with shorter songs, simpler song structures, and slower tempos overall. More in the review :



I have put off this review for a long time, but now i know what to say: it's way too hated because it's the major mainstream album. I couldn't care less, it has everything Metallica had before except the fast speed. Sure, it's not a classic like Master of puppets, but it's far from any other album.

The "Black Album" is a turning point in the history of rock music. Rarely has a such a hyped up album lived up to the billing. Granted, the hits such as Sandman, Sad But True and Nothing Else Matters are played out. However, the album never stops delivering. The production of this album is flawless. I maintain that if Justice was recorded the same way this album was, it would be regarded as the best Metallica album in the catalog. Besided the hits, the album has underappreciated tracks such as "Of Wolf and Man", "God that Failed" and "Holier than Thou". If you want to get into Metallica, this is the first stop. While it may not be their greatest album, its damm close and you will not be dissapointed.

Track Listing:
1.Enter Sandman: What alot of people consider Metallica's trademark song, putting this track first best shows Metallica's evolution from crashy thrash since Dyer's Eve on ..And Justice for All. Even though this track is hard and heavy anybody who is anybody will dig this track. 10/10
2.Sad But True: You know how great a song is when even crappy rock posers like Kid Rock use the riffs in their songs (I still think "American Bad@ss" or whatever that track is called sucks, dont get me wrong). Kirk's riffs are outstanding, they are not like the overly heavy riffs from Justice, it sounds like hard rock guitar. If you could look up hard rock sound in the encyclopedia, this would be right next to it. 10/10
3.Holier than Thou: Even though they were no longer thrash, the transition isn't always a good thing. Take Holier than Thou for example: its a hard rock track but it is also obviously filler material. The guitar on here sounds too much like Scott Ian rhythm (which isn't bad, but this is Metallica) and the lyrics aren't really great ("No more, the crap rolls out your mouth again"? WTC!!) 6/10
4.The Unforgiven: Metallica's first true power ballad. I wouldn't call Fade to Black or Sanitarium power ballads, they are more darker songs, of subject material that is frightening while this song is about.... wait, what the crap is it about? It makes no friggn sense! The lyrics are inspired, Hammetts guitar work is moving, but I still don't know the message behind it! Unlike other so called "old metallica fans", I actually like this song better than their previous efforts; it shows real evolution for a band to go from "ahh, F#$k you!" to "want to join us at Borders?" 9.5/10
5.Wherever I may Roam: Another Tallica classic, the guitar work form Kirk on this track is ART. Thank god Lars and James finally let him wear the pants for at least this track or who knows how long he would have been doing thrashy riff after thrashy riff. If I learned anything from this track it is that if it weren't for Kirk's artistic playing in this album and the ones before it Metallica would sound like every other overtly heavy thrash band. 10/10
6.Don't Tread on Me: Unlike the whole Justice album, at least this song doesn't leave the listener thinking: "its about justice, ladefriggn DA!" Its a short song for Metallica in this age and time but the lyrics actually make freedom sound good. I think Kirk has a great guitar piece in this, which he probably picked up from lessons with Joe Satriani when he just joined Metallica. 10/10
7.Through the Never: This song sometimes seems like they added it just to make an album over an hour in length. First, the guitar work is weird, so almost everything else on this. Sounds like they were TRYING TO MAKE FILTER. Fluff: 6/10
8.Nothing Else Matters: This track is what I would call the centerpiece of the album. Sure, Enter Sandman may be the biggest single from this album and Unforgiven may be Tallica's first power ballad, but this is hard rock classic defined. Everyone is like:" Man, One is Metallica's best ever!" Whatever! One is nowhere near their best! It's great but not the best. The string arrangement adds a whole dimension to Metallica's playing and enriches Kirks playing. Kirks guitar spots are almost reminiscent of Randy Rhoads' spots in "Diary of a Madman" or "Revelation (Mother Earth)". Just when I though we would never hear what Kirk always called his "Rhoads influenced guitar playing", not only does the song sound great, but it ends up being what many call Metallica's greatest work. 11/10
9.Of Wolf and Man: Loud, Heavy, straight-out metal. The intro bang drum assault and loud tempo rings are stringing to the soul. Also, these lyrics scream "James Heitfeld!" so loud it isn't even funny. 10/10
10.God that Failed: A good song, not filler but not "Wow!" 8/10
11.My Friend of Misery: Long, complex songwriting with a bit of zucato instument work. Not very impressive, I think it is a little overated. 8/10
12.Struggle Within: It is really hard to write reviews for albums with more than 10 tracks, that is why these latter track reviews suck like crap, so I will try as hard as I can to do a good job on this one. This is the fast paced allout rocker on this album, the vocals are fast paced and aggressive, the drums and bass loud, but the standout on here is definitely Kirks solo: it is pure awesomeness. It sounds like classic VH virtuoso mixed with with heavy Motorhead-like tempo, the first obvious virtuoso guitar work i have heard from Kirk. 10/10

When Metallica released this album in 1991, they had already earned a fanbase that was so strong and dedicated to their music. And since ...And Justice For All hit #6 on the charts, it's no surprise that this album went straight to #1. Produced by Bob Rock, the sound is more solid and polished than the previous albums. What sets Metallica apart from other bands who have taken this route, however, is that the music is still heavy and on their own terms. Yes, the 8 minute prog-metal jams and 220 bpm thrash beats are gone, but the songs sound great with a more simple structure, and it's tight as ever. The bass comes through much better than the previous album, and the drums sound very full without sounding like a Poison or Ratt album. This is not Metallica's angriest or darkest album despite the album cover. But, not only is it one of best records they have ever made, it is one of the best records ever made, period.

This is what happens when you have a REALLY bad day....

Periphery of change
Just an illusion
Disputed dreams
Of revolution

Your morality is hypocrisy
Obsessive self-esteem
Enforcing your ideals
Your puritanical dream

Siege of power
Inside your fucked up mind
Outward restrictions
To keep you in line

Hide behind others
Hide behind life
You should be living
But you only survive

One last thing that I HAD to post.. this one is very dear to me...

Reflection

So I won't have to say a word
What I never meant to say
Make it right again some day

Say you'll never leave, please
This war inside my mind is killing me
When you're staring at the ground

Wishing that you didn't know
What I'm really thinking
You won't even look at me now

A knife cuts deeper than a hammer's fall
But the pain is the same when
You're losing it all

The sound is coming closer
I feel it in my veins tonight
Shame on me, my black heart

The mirror is on the floor,
Shattered a million bits
Each reflecting my eyes

I know I am getting kinda repetitive with posting of my "pieces", but I think I just can't help it.. :-)... Anyway, here goes another one...

Beautiful

As beautiful as the sun
As wonderful as they come
I can't help but feel attached
To feelings i can't even match

I'm sure you know me well,
As i'm sure you don't
But you just can't tell
Who'll you want and who you won't

Let the clouds roll by your face
Let the world move on to another place
Climb the tallest roof above it all
To look down on you and me and them

Here just waiting for you
Under your stars forever
Neither here nor there just right beside you
I'll be under the stairs forever

Some more pieces that I thought of posting...

This one's unnamed yet...

Crossroads outside of town
Let heartbroken faces shine
In city lights, so far and dull
Turning left, I know it's time

With an urgent wind upon my rolling heels
To carry me along
My face downcast
That I turn to ruins passed and home

Wander off in the dead of night
Past terrors and broken homes
Wipe the sleep from your eyes
Of riverbanks and catacombs

Sleeping to the bee and the sea
Always lived this life alone
Lay down beneath the loft
Cry out I know it's time

Love is everything I want
Is it bright where you are
Have the people changed
Does it make you happy you're so strange
And in your darkest hour
I hold the secret flames

Silent times

Silent times are sliding away
Ones in grey shroud of sky and stars
When this world was young
Under bloody eye of anger

People of all kind
Killed each other here
Now in hard embrace of the unknown
Are their eyes in mortal suffering

Gripped by thick ice of ages
Fierce, indocile, yet beautiful
Forest's Gloom collided together
Satiated with blood the Earth

And Wind's roar with suffering
At sunset battle's hammer subsided
It was dark and peace in universe
All were dead and unstable swamps
Grew their grave forever

As I mentioned earlier, I have grown up in terms of my writing abilities... I think I am very selfish when it comes to writing stuff... I cannot be as heartfelt as some people... I am sometimes very blunt and unorthodox.. Hope you like these few pieces.. They are, after all, pieces of me...

Stand Strong Alone (2005)

Confrontation can break you down to your very last compound.
Beat you down, drag you around to break you
Refuse to bend, never ever let it take you
Over the edge where you can never break through.

Overcome, set back, stand strong alone
The good, the bad, the truth, the unknown
Locked up at war with the demons within
I fight to live, I live to win.

The harder that I battle with life's deceit,
The stronger I stand on my own two feet.
If I allow the world to assimilate my mind,
Will my freedom be forever denied?

________________________________________________________

Colors (2005)

Over seeing, over analyzing
separates my body from the mind.
Withering my infatuation,
missing opportunities and I must
Feed my will to feel my moment
drawing outside the lines.

Black then grey are all i see in my infancy.
Blue and red then came to be, reaching out to me.
Lets me see there is so much more and
Smiles at me to look through to these possibilities.
As down, so above and beyond, I think
Drawn beyond the lines of thought.
Push the will. Watch it bend.

_______________________________________________

I have always maintained that music is something that has helped me conquer difficulties in life. When confronted with a problem, there is just one recourse for me...

One such song that I have been listening to a lot these days is Sevendust's "Xmas Day".The atmosphere is dependably dark and gothic - to match the leeches and forked tongue depicted within the CD booklet - and this ominous near-ballad finds some real weight within waves of desperation.

You can listen to a sample from this song by visiting http://www.last.fm/music/Sevendust/_/Xmas+Day

Of course, if you need the entire song, email me!

XMAS DAY - Sevendust

One step in the dark
Touch her hand just to see
If she's all alone again
Still she hasn't seen sun
But I promise you now when she wakes
There will be none
Don't know how she gets by
Sleeps with a phone on her chest
And a bottle that's totally dry
Forgets the day I was born
But if she saw me right now
She would hold me until we both die

I could be the one who would die to
feel you breathe

I could break into a million pieces
So just run as fast as you can for me
You mean everything

I can't deny her. I'll do whatever
To stop all the bleeding that makes
her world so red
Such a delicate one
She screams so loud that I run to
hide from the sound
And I could be the one who would die
to feel you breathe
But it's too far-gone
And this love cant die


Until the next time... Cheers!!!