Current mood : Oscillating between Black and Grey

Comfort your cries no longer
No one to pick you up
When you fall down
We who watch and feel your pain

I won't allow those around
Me to poison my judgment
I know, what is best
I am able to decide what is destiny

You don't get it,
You won't forget
So you're better off
Just leave it alone

If you don't stop thinking
Soon you will be drinking
And you're better off
Just staying at home

Presenting a song that has been haunting me for the past few days. The kid in the song is exactly what I was around 7-8 years ago.

FORT MINOR

"Slip Out The Back"

You know me, I used to get caught up in everyday life
Tried to make it through my day so i could sleep at night
Tried to figure out my way through the maze
Of rights and wrongs, but like you used to say
Nothing feels like it's really worth it
Forget perfect, i'm trying not to be worthless
Since i last saw you i been lookin for a purpose
Well i met this kid who thought like i did
He had a weird way of lookin at it
This is what he said

Slip out the back before they know you were there
And at the worst you'll see nobody cares
Cos you dont wana be around when it all goes down
Even heroes know when to be scared
Slip out the back before they know you were there
And at the worst you'll see nobody cares
Cos you dont wana be around when it all goes down
Even heroes know when to be scared

I dont remember where i met him or remember his name
But he walked funny like he was too big for his frame
Just over five foot but he weighed a buck fifty
And what he said just seemed so right it stuck with me
Listen its like poker you can play your best
But you got to know when to fold your cards and take a rest
And know when to hold your cards and hold your breath
And hope that nobody else is stacking the deck because
I dont need to tell you that life isnt fair, it doesnt care
It arbitrarily cuts off your air,
and like you i want someone to say its okay
But in the truest parts of our hearts everybody's afraid
But just underappreciated and overwhelmed
Fighting so hard to hide our fear that we're scaring ourselves
You understand when im saying that you always did
But its different in the words of a cowardly kid

I'm no hero, you remember how i was, you know
All I ever did was worry, feeling out of control
To the point where everything was going end over end
Im spinning around in circles again
This is where you come in
All of this to explain to you why
I had to separate myself away from yesterday's life
Please remember this isn't how i hoped it would be
But i had to protect you from me
Thats why i slipped out the back before you knew i was there
I know you felt unprepared
But every single time i was around i just bring you down
And i could tell that it was time to be scared
Thats why i slipped out the back before you knew i was there
And i know the way i left wasnt fair
I didnt want to be around just to bring you down
Im not a hero but dont think i didnt care

Selected verses from the song "The Channel"... When in a really fucked up mood, I tend to listen to such crap...

I hate all the people
That try to fuck you for your game
I don't like my childhood
I do not need someone else to blame

I don't like being paranoid
I don't like that I'm breeding again
but I accept all these cards I've been dealt
And just be without all the fucking friends

Who gives a fuck about what I like
who gives a fuck about who listens
as long as I'm here
as long as you know you can keep me here

for whenever you get lost
or you need an excuse to coverup your intentions
you hate that I express how I'm feeling
you hate that you relate to this shit

you hate that I'm a tick
you're finding hard to forget!
This is the channel I'm dialed into
I already know you, are dialed in too

Sorry

Feeling so ashamed,
I'll take all the blame,
All my life I've been so confused,
Its all my fault, but I wont say

Maybe when I leave
I'll lead a life less empty
Maybe we were waiting way too long
To start this lifelong story

I'll accept not half
Of all these consequences
Maybe then that's when
I'll finally mean when I say I'm sorry

Today I look at your notes
I see your fear and I worry
What I could do to help myself
And sorry is not the hardest word anymore